Ugh

So acupuncture has been going well and I've been feeling really good. Even my daughter made a comment that I wasn't so crabby all the time and that made me feel good. The only thing that hasn't changed has been my weight and that's been frustrating so I talked to the acupuncturist yesterday and he will be helping me with that. But I did have to step on the scale and man it was a rude awakening. The number isn't what I thought it was and it really opened my eyes. I'm not taking care of myself well that stops now! It has to!! Today is a new day! I'm taking some different Chinese herbs to go along with the other ones for my mood and they are supposed to help my metabolism. Plus I need to commit to a regular exercise program. Which brings me to my run next month.....

I'm not sure I should do it. I haven't trained well at all. I'm physically not ready and I'm not mentally either. Do I take that into consideration and say "don't do the run, take care of myself?" Or do I just do the run no matter how bad I'll feel? I'm not sure what to do. I am planning an hour and a half run this weekend so I'll see how that goes and perhaps make my decision then. I'm leaning to not doing it at all and set that goal for next year.

So as of today I am taking care of myself! I am making myself a priority! I am feeling better now that my hormones are in place, now I just want to be happy with my appearance and I want to be healthy!!! I am worth the effort and I deserve to be happy with myself.

Now if I can just remember that during the hard times that would be good!

Headaches...

The past few days I've been having headaches, I mention it to the acupuncturist yesterday and today I'm headache free. No dull pain/pressure behind my eyes, no feeling over tired. It just amazes me how acupuncture works. I'm not going to question it, all I know is that it seems to be helping me and I continue to feel like I've gotten myself back. What an amazing feeling I tell you!

Running update...well there isn't much of one. It's been humid so more of my runs have been indoors. I'm not that prepared for next month's run but I'm on vacation next week so I can really focus on getting back on track and hitting the training hard.

Yesterday a friend of mine had a clothing party, I hesitated to go only because I'm not very fashionable. I've always dreaded trying on clothes because of my shape. Never really liked picking out a dozen items to try on and having only one of them actually fit. So I went, and the clothes were very nice. They really showed you how to put them together for casual wear or dressing it up etc. The trouble...the price. Man it was very expensive. I did buy one piece and it was expensive, the most money I've ever spent on one item (excluding my wedding dress). But seeing all these clothes and the style really made me want to go shopping elsewhere, you know where I can actually buy a couple outfits for the price of the 1 item I purchased yesterday. I liked seeing all the nice, comfortable clothing and I really liked that my daughter was with me and we were picking out things together. So to all my readers...if anyone wants to help me shop (hint hint Deanna) perhaps I'm not a lost cause :)

Squishy

So after my 45 minute run on the treadmill yesterday (because it was just too humid out to want to run outdoors) I'm stretching and feeling good. My son then comes over and says "mom your getting fatter" and then he proceeds to poke my belly and says "squishy squishy".

Well that deflated the high I was on after the run. I know I've gained a few pounds dealing with hormones etc but that just hurt. He's 9 years old so he should really know better on not hurting people's feelings especially those he's close to. But I forget, he is just a kid and doesn't fully understand how to use his filter just yet.

Weight has always been something I struggle with but I have noticed since picking up the running and acupuncture I've dropped a few pounds, not sure how many as I'm scared to get on a scale so I'm judging by the way my clothes are fitting. I never wanted to be super skinny, I just want to be healthy, and that's all I want for my kids.

I did go on another walk last night for National Night Out. Our block watch sponsored a walk around the neighborhood so I took part and I started to feel better. I'm not as hurt today as I was yesterday, I just need to continue to be sure I'm making healthy choices, continue with my running and activity and everything will take care of itself. I just hate to have to deal with the issue of weight, as woman we deal with it all the time and it seems to never get better, not even with age. Last week at acupuncture there was an older lady, late 60's early 70's and she said she weighed 118 lbs but still wanted to take some herbs to lose weight since it was all in her belly. The doctor told her she didn't need them, she was just perfect. And she was, she just didn't see it. I really don't want to be that way when I'm her age....the question is how? I guess it's all in life lessons.

Feeling Lucky

So it's another Tuesday and I'm feeling good. I haven't had a major case of the crankies since acupuncture which is WONDERFUL. It's a great feeling to feel as if I'm back to my old self. I know I'm not fully cured but with continued treatment I'm feeling optimistic.

I'd also like to take some time to say how lucky we were.....Last week with the rains that came through we had some flooding, the water was coming through our basement window, it was like someone turned on a faucet. Items were ruined and carpeting needed to be dried but we were lucky. I think of my brother and SIL who had at least 3 ft of water in their basement and water coming through their front door. One stranded motorist on their street had to swim to safety. Crazy I tell you! They lost all the big items in the basement and 1 of their cars has been totalled, their SUV is having problems too and may also be totalled, all depends on what the insurance company says. There are so many stories as theirs that I'm feeling lucky that I only had minor issues. All the families with major storm damage to their homes, cars and everything else my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Another reason to feel lucky, is I have my health. My cousin's husband when to get a melanoma removed from his back and they thought it could be cancerous. They didn't tell anyone until Friday and stated that testing would be done by Monday and they'd let us know the results. Well power of prayer worked and he is cancer free! I'm very excited for them, I know that must have been a difficult time for them.

I also have a friend who's grandfather is dying. He comes every summer to spend time with family and he told them all he has cancer and there is nothing that can be done. He's been given 9 months or so to live. I know my friend is having a hard time with this. She is very close to her Grandfather. I know that I'm lucky to have my Grandfather still with me. He will be 90 this year so I know that he is aging and won't always be with us. He is special to me as he was really my only father figure as a kid. He would have me sit on his lap and he would just scratch my back for hours. There would always be an ample supply of cookies, gum and love when I would visit their house. I'm happy to have those memories and I'm happy to continue making more with him while he's alive.

A year in review?

So a friend of mine, Joy, blogged about the last year of her life and the things she's accomplished over this past year and challenged her readers to do the same...so here goes.

Professionally: I was getting a little bored and unchallenged at work so I took the initiative to take on more responsibility. This was proved to be a move in the right direction. I am learning many new things, gaining more respect from my co-workers and the individuals I help. No day is the same so it keeps things interesting. I am concerned with keeping my job but that has nothing to do with me or my performance and everything to do with take overs and buy outs.

Running: Last May I completed my second 1/2 marathon and I was not pleased with the performance or the dedication I had to training so I signed up for the same 1/2 marathon this May. I was determined to beat the course and not let the course beat me. I trained well, inspired 2 other friends to run along with me and I posted my best time yet. It was a great experience and I was happy to have my family there cheering me across the finish line. I've also added another 1/2 marathon in September that I will be completing in Ohio.

Health: I've had relatively good health this past year, no major illness or anything like that. I have had to deal with my hormones and weight gain which I believe is related to my hormonal issues. It's difficult to describe how terrible I have been feeling over the past year because of this issue. I've visited the doctor with no real answers and feeling defeated. But I haven't given up. I'm off the Birth Control pills and decided to go the route of acupuncture and so far I must say there are many benefits. I'm hoping that this will trickle down into all aspects of my life.

Marriage: I'm married to a wonderful man and I'm happy to say that our marriage continues to grow and become stronger. My husband is a wonderful partner and I fall in love with him more each day.

Kids: My kids are wonderful and it's amazing to watch them grow into young adults. It's hard to believe that time is going by so quickly. There have been struggles but that is part of life and that's what will make the kids become strong adults. No matter the troubles they always know that I love them and will be there for them and I'm proud of them for their accomplishments.

Parents: My relationship with my mom has been becoming very different. I love her but I don't always like the choices she has made or continues to make. I am struggling with her past choices and the different lives that she has affected by some of those choices....she just has no clue the damage she's done. I can't fault her for making those decisions years ago but I can fault her for the way she is reacting to them now and the way that she has treated me. I have found in the last year that I'm standing up to her now, not holding my feelings inside, I'm letting them be known.

Overall it's been a good year. I've had struggles but those don't compare to the many blessings I have. I have a loving family, wonderful friends and I can do things that I enjoy. I am thankful for each and every day and I continue to try and learn from those around me and appreciate everything life has to offer, even the hard times.

A good workout

Yesterday morning it looked like rain so I decided to keep my workouts indoors. I hit the elliptical for 35 minutes, punched the punching bag for awhile (which was WONDERFUL- a great way to release stress) and then did some push ups and planks. I felt good, even this morning I can tell I worked out those muscles and they feel wonderful. Could it be that acupuncture is actually working and getting me feeling better and motivated to workout and live my life without the fear of being cranky, too tired or unmotivated? I guess time will tell if I'm just having a good week or if there is some truth to the acupuncture. I go for my 3rd session today and I find myself looking forward to it.

Yesterday was also the Napa to Sonoma run in CA. My friend Karen ran again this year with CCFA. It brings me back to my first memories of wanting to run a half marathon. Karen made it sound so wonderful and the scenery of running in Napa really appealed to me. Running with CCFA was a wonderful experience but overwhelming with the training and the commitment to fundraising. But I'm so happy that I ran it. I met new friends that I still have contact with today (waving to Joy and Joe) and I've learned so much from these people. No matter how much I've struggled I've still had these people in my corner. Cheering me on, pushing to be a better runner and a better person.

I will be drawing on their strength, support and experience as I gear up for my 4th 1/2 marathon in September. Thanks Guys!!

Why is it...

That my mom continues to frustrate me so? So here's the latest, my aunt and uncle were having a birthday party for their son (this is the family I was a surrogate for...I can't believe it's been 6 years already, amazing how time flies). When they were in the planning process my aunt sent out an email asking family which date worked better for us. Everyone responded and based on that and their schedule she set up a date that was last week Saturday. My mom's computer went down at home so she wasn't able to check emails (she didn't realize she could check emails from any active computer that has Internet but that's another story) so when we got back from Germany she asked when the party was. I told her and she indicated that she was working. I also then showed her how to check her emails from another computer and she sat at my computer for over an hour reading them so she would have seen the date then as well.

So at the party my aunt and uncle asked where she was and I said working, my aunt was under the impression that she had off on Saturdays. I thought so too but there are times that she has worked and I can't keep track of my own schedule how can I keep track of hers too?

Yesterday was my niece's birthday so my mom called and then talked to my brother and she found out that the party was this past weekend. Her comment was "I thought it was in a couple of weeks?" She then proceeded to tell my brother "I don't know what the hell is wrong with your sister, she knew my computer didn't work so she should have told me". Ummm I DID TELL YOU. I get blamed for all of this type of garbage. This is your brother's son, you should be following up on your own to find out when things are. It is not my responsibility since you know I have kids and work and this and that.

I got an email this morning from my aunt stating that my mom called them last night crying and apologizing for not being there. They told her not to worry about it that it wasn't a big deal. I have no doubt that when I see her on Sunday that I will hear about this and she will make it a big deal. I on the other hand will not make this a big deal and I will NOT LET HER MAKE THIS MY FAULT. I'm just sick and tired of being blamed for things that are her issue, not mine. She's 63 years old, she needs to GROW UP.

OK, sorry for the vent, I just needed to let it out.

On a better note, my second session of acupuncture was yesterday and it went well.