Counting my Blessings

So I'm another day staying focused on my Weight Watchers plan and its making me happy. I'm learning to take joy in the small victories. Yesterday I went over a smidge as Jim came home with some crab so I cooked that up along with our very shrimp dinner (shrimp scampi, shrimp poppers, shrimp Alfredo and good ole' plain shrimp).

So I'm here at work and I have a friend who this week has gone through a mis-carriage. She may need to go in for a DNC. I feel so heartbroken for her as I listen to her story. I've had other friends who've gone through this experience and I just don't know how you women can go through such an experience. It really shows me how blessed I've been. I haven't had any trouble with any of my pregnancies besides the being tired, bloated and nauseous. I was even healthy enough and able to be a surrogate for my aunt and uncle and that pregnancy went fairly smooth besides the loss of one of the babies (it started as a twin pregnancy). I can only imagine the amount of grief that my friends have felt and still do feel. I wish there is more that I can and could have done for my friends who have had to endure this type of loss. Please know that all you wonderful, strong women are in my thoughts and prayers.

It's sad that in such losses it shows others how blessed we are. Some times we take for granted all the wonderful things that we have. I ofter complain of little daily issues that bug me or my hormones being out of balance and it seems so insignificant to what others are/have gone through.

So today I am counting my blessings as I have so many.

2 down

That's right, I was on track 2 days in a row. Today is a rest day of exercise but I may do a little ST later, depending on how I'm feeling. The crabbies may have subsided for this month, but if history repeats itself in another 4 weeks it shall return. Perhaps the BC will have helped improve my moods by then. But I'm not holding my breath.

I'm also slowly regaining my self esteem again. Funny thing is, I'm not sure how I lost it. Just not focusing or controling the things that I can I suppose. I was consumed about worrying about those things I can't control and well, that's just a lot of wasted energy. I need to remain positive.

It is the start of Lent today and I've had my 3rd grade religion students help me decide on what I should give up and its coffee and soda. I've been dipping into those items one too many times. Coffee by itself may not be all that bad but I mix it with cappaccino and that's where the issue is. So I shall go 40 days without. It will also help me stay more focused on my Weight Watchers goals so its really a win/win.

Can you believe it???

I was up at 5:20 AM to run, that's right, you heard it here first. If you don't know it, I'm typically not a morning person, I like to sleep in. But I've been tired lately and I was wondering if because I do my workouts later if that was adding to the problem. Today I was able to complete 2.5 miles and I ran more than I have been running lately so that's a good sign. There was some walking in there but that's OK, I got up and I did it. I was scheduled to do 4 miles today but the run/walk was taking me longer than I had anticipated so I stopped at the 2.5. Better than nothing.

I also was 100% on track yesterday with my Weight Watchers program. Another big hurdle for me. I am unhappy with the winter pounds I've packed on but I'm headed in the right direction and I am happy. Maybe even a little proud of myself. I know its only been 1 day but right now I need some small victories. Shoot I even got in all my water!

I'm also getting my hair done later today. That definately is exciting. I need to cover up some grey and could use a trim. I could use a little time to feel pretty since I've been feeling anything but recently.

I'm hoping that later today when I get home I'll be able to finish my 1.5 miles to make it 4 for the day but I'm not going to fret if I don't. I worked out hard yesterday at my Cardio Blast class and did a billion stairs, not something that I've done before and man, that's a workout.

I wanted to say GOOD LUCK to my friend Karen who officially kicked off her training and being a mentor for the Napa to Sonoma race this July. She will be again raising money for CCFA to help battle Crohn's and Colitis. I will help her any way that I can and if I don't get to actually run the race this year I will definately be there as her cheerleader and to help her drink some wine!

Today is a new day

So all this weekend I've been crabby. It definately is hormones as I've checked my tracking and yep its that time again. I also got the call from the doctor on Friday that my ultra sound was normal. This disappointed me as I was hoping it would yield the reasons for my pain but nope, no answers. I also put on my swim suit on Friday as we were in the Dells and well I wasn't happy one bit. I felt icky and like a whale and I was very self concious.

So, today is a new day and I know some of these feelings are hormonal but I haven't made the best decisions eating wise so TODAY IS A NEW DAY. I am back on the Weight Watchers band wagon and will be tracking every bite I eat! I will get back on track with exercising and no matter how terrible my runs are, I WILL GET THEM DONE!!! I can't control my hormones, or the pain I have but I can control how I am treating myself and honestly it hasn't been very good. I can be good to myself without having guilt, I am worth it!!

Now all I need to do is stay focused and not doubt myself which sometimes is hard to do. But again, today is a new day for me, lets keep our fingers crossed that I can continue to have a positive attitude.

Troubles with runs

So this week has been emotional with the loss of Reno, our dog and my runs have suffered a lot. I hoping that it is because of this emotional roller coaster I've been on is the cause. I have 4 miles scheduled today and I'm not sure I will be able to do it. I'll give it my best. Tuesday I did 3.2 miles on the elliptical but that felt like torture, yesterday I hit the TM at home and did 1.75 miles but that was more walking than running. If this keeps up I fear that I won't be able to complete the 1/2 in May.

On a good note, I am seeing my body tone back up since I've been exercising on a regular basis. I am definately one of those people who will need to always exercise otherwise the flab sneeks up and clings to my ass. As I've said before I'm sure my ass would be worshiped in some countries, I don't want to actually look like a small country. LOL.

I am also headed away this weekend to the Dells for a get away. I'm hoping that some time in the hot tub with a drink in hand will help relax me and get me back on track with the training. Being with family and friends should certainly help improve my mood.

R.I.P Reno

Well, Reno took a turn for the worse and I thought he was improving but he wasn't. He had a bad night on Sunday, he had chills, trouble walking and looked miserable. We decided yesterday to make the decision to put him down to end his suffering. We said our good byes last night and then Jim took him in. Its been an emotional roller coaster and I miss him but I know he's not suffering.

Thank you everyone for your words of kindness and support, it means more than I can express in words.

Reno...

Good news on the dog front, Reno is doing better. Thank God because I had said my good byes and shed my tears for MY first dog. Friday night I talked to the vet and he didn't know, based on the symptoms I described, what the issue was, his heart, a virus, he just didn't know. He said the older a dog gets the harder it is for them to recover and he knew that we wouldn't want him to suffer. After Jim came home from running errands I told him what the vet said, we saw Reno laying on the floor and as I stated "I wish I knew what to do", Jim replied with "You know what we need to do". And he was right, I didn't want him to suffer, he deserves more than that. I cried, snuggled with my pup and thought that Saturday morning we'd be taking him in.

Reno had other plans I guess because he ate some steak I gave him. This was the first bit of food he had since Wednesday (although he threw that all up). Since he ate 1 piece I gave him another and then another. He also ate 1/2 of a bun I had cooked. We were encouraged by him finally eating but again, were weary. Saturday morning he ate some of a bagel, eggs, sausage, ham and cheese. Jim called from work asking if he needed to come home to take him in and I said "no, he ate some food". After work he came home with a can of dog food and he enjoyed that. He actually drank out of his water dish (he had been eating snow and licking the ice in the back yard). He seemed to improve throughout the day.

Today (Sunday) he ate more of the canned dog food, he really gobbled it up and he ate some of his normal dry food. He even barked at some passer byers taking a walk. I've been able to get 2 days of his meds in (1 for his heart, the other for his back leg). I hope that he continues to improve because he's not 100% but at least with him eating I'm assured that he's not starving to death. This really puts my heart at ease, at least for a short while as he is 12 1/2 so I know his time may be coming soon. I'm just glad it wasn't this weekend.

Now about me, I started my BC pill today, its weird saying that, I don't have a uterus, Jim is fixed yet I have to be on BC. I'm hoping that it will help aide in my moods and the menopausal symptoms I've been experiencing. I'm headed for an ultra sound tomorrow which is a good thing because yesterday I had some pain. I'm hoping by them doing this ultra sound they are able to see something with the ovaries that might explain the pains. My assumption is its ovulation pain but I don't know if that can be seen on an ultra sound or not.

I did get in 8 miles on the elliptical today, which felt good. Tomorrow Jim will be moving my TM over as I really need to be getting these long distances on the TM until I can hit pavement. I'm a wimp, I'll admit it, I don't like the cold or wind and can't bring myself to run outside just yet.

OK, I've blabbed enough for one day, I'm going to enjoy the peace and quiet as the kids are at their friends playing. We're also trying a new recipe today, Savory chicken crescent squares, we'll see how that turns out.

Thanks for your support everyone, it really means a lot.

Rough Week

So this week I had a hard time hitting my mileage on the running front. Perhaps its because I'm headed into my "tired" phase. I just made my 4 miles Tuesday and yesterdays 4 miles turned into 2. I know 2 is better than nothing and I did have volleyball last night as well so I'm getting in much needed activity. I just wish I knew what the issue was. I'm sure its just a bad week and next week I'll have lots of energy and bounce right back.

As for why else its a rough week, well I got home Wednesday to 11 area's where my dog Reno threw up. He just looked aweful and so sad. Well he seems to be on a decline. He has a heart problem and he's old. He's a big dog and he's 12 1/2 so he's up there in age for a bigger dog. We took pictures with him last night and he wasn't looking good and his heart rate was off. This morning he ate 2 peices of bread and just a lick or two of water. I'm going to try and give him is heart meds because he's been "coughing" (which is due to his heart, it causes fluid on his lungs). Its just rough because we don't know what to do. Is it time to put him down? Is it just a doggy flu and he'll recover? Its hard on the kids too. E spent a good portion of the evening crying and its hard to not be able to console your kids.

We don't know anything for sure so perhaps Reno will bounce back, we'll just wait and see. Now I'm off to go watch A in her Dance Assembly at school. She worked on a routine with a few other kids from her class and their ganna dance it up.

Test results are in

And they found nada, nothing, zilch. So next course of action, I will start on Yaz BC on Sunday. If that doesn't help with the symptoms or pain then it looks like laproscopic surgery. I also have an ultra sound scheduled for Monday to check that all is well with my ovaries. Hopefully the BC will help and get my moods back to normal and help with the pain that I'm having.

Today was 4 miles and I was on the TM. Its been awhile since I've hit the TM so it was good. It took longer than it has been when I'm on the elliptical but I was also a little sore from yesterday's Cardio Blast class so that might have something to do with it. My legs were just plain tired.

Nothing else is going on which is nice. I plan on watching some American Idol tonight with a glass of wine in hand as the next couple of nights I've got something going on.

Beyond Angry

First let me update everyone on the doctor....She was great, listened to everything, took notes and confirmed that I'm not crazy (good to know). They took a bunch of blood to test my thyroid, hormones, iron levels and cholesterol. So now I wait to see if any of that provides any answers.

Ok, now why am I mad??? I get to work this morning and before my PC boots up my phone is ringing, its my brother to tell me my mom sent an email asking for money. I kid you not the email starts out by "Which one of you is going to loan me money". She's got car issues and wants can't afford to pay for them and this is my problem how?? I know that may sound insensitive but I've borrowed money to my mom in the past but I've never seen a penny back in return. I mean for Pete's Sake the woman is 60 some years old get a grip for crying out loud. She's always had someone bail her out and I'm sick of her asking and not appreciating the assistance I've given her in the past. I have my own family, my own set of bills and responsibilities I can't take care of her either. Its just frustrating and I've gotten sick today because of it. My brother is angry just like I am but he stepped in and under protest is going to help her. I personally and upset that he gave in but it is his choice and I understand feeling like your between a rock and a hard place. Just frustrating is all.

I'm a little better now having voiced my anger. Thanks for listening to me vent. Now I'm going out with a girlfriend to drink some wine so that should help me too!!

Doctor Day

First update, the butt is not as sore, the calves still are from Monday's workout. Tuesday I did manage my 4 miles, I'm not sure how I pulled that off but I did. I took a much needed DOR yesterday and that felt great.

Today is when I go to the doctor and hopefully I will have a game plan to attack my hormone issues I've been experiencing. I'm not too hopeful though, not sure why. I just have a bad feeling I'm going to be told its all in my head. Perhaps that's just the unknown with a new doctor. I'll try and be positive and if this doctor doesn't take me seriously then I'll find another who will. Simple as that.

On another note, this past weekend I watched Mama Mia for the first time. I realized that's my life! I kid you not some of the lines in the movie (I'm sure they were in the play too but I haven't seen that production) are exactly what I was feeling when I got married. I even got a hold of my dad via letters before I got married because I so wanted my dad to walk me down the isle. I was happy that I had my mom and brother by my side but there was just something missing. I have always been a big fan of Father of the Bride but I always cry at that movie because I didn't have a dad with me to walk me down the isle or freak out over wedding bills. Instead I had a mom that called me "crabby" on my wedding day, but I digress.....As I watched Mama Mia I felt some of the same things as she did about her dad. I watched it again on Sunday with my mom and I can only imagine what was going on in her head. Remember now that she slept around because the guy I thought was my dad wasn't and now its someone else (Jerry Springer material I know). I can only imagine what she was thinking, but I hope that she is disappointed in herself for all the trouble she's caused to others but I doubt it.

Now I'm not complaining that I didn't have a daddy and woe is me, because now I have 2 dads that I talk to. I have a heap full of brothers and sisters and cousins now that I never knew and now they are apart of my family and they've accepted me and mine as if we were there all the time. How special is that. What a wonderful life I do have and I'm greatful, but I could sure use some of those "Royalties" from the play/movie since they based it on me without me knowing. LOL

Sore

So yesterday was supposed to be my Cardio Kickboxing class but we had a sub and well she bounced around a lot. I got in a good work out and man am I sore today. You know what's sore????.......wait for it........ my butt. Now I just thought my butt was a pile of flabby jello but some where in the flab must be some muscles because man, their sore. I feel good, if it weren't for my hormonal exhaustion setting in. I have a 4 mile run scheduled for later, we'll see how that goes. I'm not too sure if I should let my muscles rest after yesterday's workout or if I should go ahead and run. I think I've decided I'd give it a whirl and see what happens.

Now on another front that has been aggrevating me.....I need new clothes, I'm tired of wearing all the same things and really would like something new. Couple of things are standing in my way. 1) my fashion tardedness. I'm not a good judge of picking out my own clothes, I've never been girly that way and just don't know what looks good or how to match things together. Occasionally I get it right but that's rare. 2) money, I don't have a lot to spend. My husband says, just go out and get what you need but my logical side kicks in and thinks I shouldn't really spend money that we are trying to put to our credit cards to get those paid off. Why is it that I have this issue?? Just a couple of items is all I would need to make me happy yet I don't think I'm worth it. Now if it were the kids sure not a problem....but when it comes to me, I'm hesitant. Why is this? Is it a mom thing? Is it the Catholic guilt thing? Is it being smart? Who knows??