Good Byes....

Are always hard. Yesterday we said good bye to Auntie Ruthie....she wasn't my aunt but my SIL's. When my brother married her I attached myself to her family, they are so warm, loving, kind, close knit, all the things I lacked growing up. Ruthie came every year with us to Myrtle Beach and she really was a hoot. Each year we'd give her some wine bottles to hold and we'd pose her like she drank them all.

She was only 69 and in September was diagnosed with cancer and unfortunately on Christmas Eve she lost her battle. She was at home surrounded by family and she was at peace. The service was yesterday and it was lovely. Ruth made a recording for all to hear, it was touching and there was not a dry eye in the joint.

Something that touched me in her recording was she said "don't under estimate the smallest thing you do for someone, because those things are what typically make the biggest impact". You know she's right and I'm going to try and remember that daily!! Life is made up of small moments that really make life big and important.

Merry Christmas!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

First and foremost I wish all my readers a Blessed Holiday Season. My wish for each of you is that 2010 brings you good health and much happiness.

As for the other things going on in life....I guess I'm stressed, not sure why but apparently that's what J thinks....I think it's just my hormones going array again. I suppose it is still the stress of not knowing what's going on with the job. The stress of needing to implement changes to my schedule so that I can be at work at 7 am and not work from home, drive the kids to school and then come to the office. I'm really resistant on that because I don't understand the logic behind mgmts decision. But it's one of those things that I won't understand but need to do anyway and just get over it I suppose.

As for exercising, I've been doing OK...Not getting in as much time as I would like. I really need to put my own needs first sometimes but have a hard time doing that. Perhaps it's because of the holidays and the kids birthdays and all that jazz. But come January, it HAS TO BE ABOUT ME. I need to start training for the 1/2 and I really want to run well this go around. I am looking forward to my annual get away with my friend Shelly. I've always been able to recharge on our weekend away. My focus this year will be committing to the training and figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.

Speaking of the "what I want to be" I'd like to ask a favor from my readers.....What type of job or work do you think I would be good at. You all know my personality and sometimes you can just tell what jobs people should be doing. My trouble is I never wanted to be anything when I grew up, just married and have kids. I was always told I would not amount to much and after so long you start to fall into that and make it reality. Well I've worked to over come a lot of my childhood issues but this is one that I continue to struggle with....What am I good at...what work would I be good at doing. I ask each of you because we are our own worse critic and what others see in us we don't necessarily see in ourselves.

Thank you in advance my friends! And again MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Where does the time go???

So yesterday was E's birthday, he's now 9....I can remember like yesterday when he was born. Where does the time go?? I am very proud of my kids and the people they are becoming. They are wonderful blessings and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for them and how they've enriched my life.

As for running, I did a mile and a half the other day with no walking, it felt good. I ran from the car to a restaurant yesterday and I'm not sure how in the world I'm going to run outside on New Year's Eve....I was winded, the brisk air felt good in my lungs but I couldn't take a lot of it....I'm sure I'll figure something out and if worse comes to worse, I'll just run the race at home LOL...Will that count? I have seen some of my body toning up and my strength getting better so that's good, I'm on track for when I'll hit the training schedule hard for the 1/2. I do have a friend, Andrea, and possibly Ann who will be running the Cheesy 1/2 marathon with me. It will be good to have company but I'm happier that I've inspired 2 non runners to feel what I feel when I cross the finish line of a run. It's such a good feeling, and it definitely will give me the confidence back that I've lost. I still think back to my running inspiration, Karen, I'd certainly like to thank her for sharing her love of running with me and taking me along to Napa!!

Anyway, I guess that's all. I know my blog is boring, I guess I'm not as creative a writer as my other fellow friends that blog but whatcha ganna do?? I guess its a good journaling experience for me. Hopefully to continue to keep me on track.

Looking forward

I'm looking forward to my workout tonight. I took the weekend off as I went shopping on Saturday with A....unless you count me speed walking through isles at Toy's R' Us or walking fast through the mall. After A and I completed our shopping on Saturday I came home and cleaned....I just love me a clean house. Then A had her first basketball game and she was amazing!! I mean it, she was a great defensive player and she scored the teams first basket!!! I like that she's atheltic and I hope she enjoys her season. Now to get E involved in a sport he likes. He really wants to play football, I need to find a league to get him on.

So the workout tonight, I'll be on the Treadmill for a run/walk, whatever my body will allow. I'm getting stronger which makes me feel good and I can see some changes in my body which is also good! I'm feeling good, looking good, which all does amazing things for my attitude.

4 days.....

Straight that I've worked out...Here's the breakdown:

Saturday = Treadmill 30 min, some weight work
Sunday = Elliptical 30 min
Monday = Crazy taped strength/Cardio work out 50 min...it really was good but it kicked my butt but I look forward to mastering it!
Tuesday = Elliptical 20 min (easy after Monday's workout)

I am gearing up for the RACC run on Dec 31st and then getting myself positioned for the 1/2 training that will be starting early next year. I'm feeling good, better that I am taking some time for myself and not so stressed so those are all really good things. Tonight I have to teach religion so I'm hoping J can go get the kids from school so I can get my workout in before class. We'll see how that goes, otherwise I'll hit the treadmill when I get home.

And now I need to vent....My SIL called last night and she wants some of our venison meat. A just shot her first deer and she knows we have meat and is asking for it. This frustrates me because she is using us so she doesn't have to buy stuff herself. Damit, get a job and fend for yourself. We're not rolling in the money and one of the reasons J hunts is so we do have meat to eat as a family. I should show some sympothy but its been years of this behavior, asking for food or money and I don't mind helping those that are attempting to help themselves but when you do nothing to better your situation then why should I?? Perhaps its harsh but I've had it!!!

Mojo Lost

Lost: Denise's Mojo...if you find it could you please return it to her ASAP since her ass is getting larger by the day!

I have now worked out 2 days in a row in the hopes of getting back my lost mojo. Somehow I just gave up the "me" time. I only take 20-30 minutes or working out so why can't I seem to keep up with it?? Why must I feel guilty that I've taken the time for myself?? Why must I feel so lazy about it?? Well, I'm forcing myself to get out of this rut. I'm supposed to be running on New Year's Eve and I'm no where close to where I should be. I'm working on it and vow to do some type of activity each day for a minimum of 20 min. I need to take this time for myself to get me back. I'm not liking the way my clothes are fitting, I've been very negative lately and I'm just done with the excuses. I know if I take care of myself then I'll be less stressed, I'll be in a good mood and my family will not have to feel my wrath.

Now, its just to keep up with this attitude...the I CAN DO IT attitude....I've tried and tried again, hopefully it will stick this time around.

Feeling like a royal....

Bitch. Yep that's right, I'm PMSing, the kids continue to fight with each other and of course J is still gone and I'm not liking my new management. It's becoming tiring and I've had enough. I love my family, but I think I need a break.

I think the whole job situation has really gotten the best of me. Trouble is I like my job, I loved the flexibility and now that has been taken away, I just don't have the same drive. I suppose I haven't given new mgmt a chance since its only been 2 weeks but I really haven't been impressed. So that begs the question, do I make a job change? I don't know...Truthfully I don't know what I'd be good at. I'm good at my job but my job is a little unique and I don't know how I'd take that anywhere else. I never had any thoughts as a kid of "I always wanted to be..." I never thought about it. I was told I'd amount to nothing so that's what I believed. I'd hate to say that at age 35 I still believe that because I know I've accomplished so much but yet a part of me still does believe it.

So where do I go from here??? In January I typically go away with a friend for a weekend and I do a lot of soul searching then so I guess that's going to be my focus. What do I want to be when I grow up...what am I good at???

Sad thing is, 2 weeks ago I didn't have these thoughts, I was happy in my job, growing, learning and very content. Why is it so easy for all of that to be turned upside down and what type of lesson should I be learning from this situation?

Gearing up for another week as a.......

Single parent. Yep, you guessed it, tomorrow J leaves for a week of hunting. I know its his love and I would never take it away, it just gets really old after a couple of months. It's easier now that the kids are older but it doesn't make his absence any easier. I still miss him and would like him to be home to help out. I'm not sure how single parents can do it, I certainly have much respect for any single parent.

Things at work are weird...talking with other people who still have their jobs but people around them were let go. It's the feeling we're all grateful we still have jobs for the time being but we have such sadness for those that don't. Perhaps that's why I'm not further up in the chain of command, I wouldn't be able to tell people they no longer have a job, especially in this economy. Funny thing is when my boss was let go she gave us all our personal files and I really realized that I don't make that much money, throughout my 18 years with the company I saw where I started and where I'm at and with each increase I get excited because its the most money I've ever made. But with the role I have now and the work I'm doing I feel that I'm worth more. I know my old manager felt that same way but she wasn't able to do anything about it since raises were frozen last year along with all bonuses, rewards etc. I guess we'll see if this new manager will do anything for us, truth be told, I'm not sure she will find value in my position. My old manager did, but I do all the stuff the other technical folks on my team don't want to do. They can do it but their big techie brains can't handle the every day easy stuff. A co-worker said there is a lot of value in my position, when I'm gone on vacation she spends most her time doing my job. It was good to hear, hopefully she'll inform my new manager of that too.

Anyway, enough Debbie Downer....I need to look on the positive side of things, I have a job, I have my wonderful family and I know the work that I do is quality even if my salary doesn't fully reflect that.

I still have a job

I'm happy about that but I am having an issue with my manager being let go. I feel guilty that we're all still working and she is not. I know that the choice was made by people that have no clue of the work or value that a particular worker has contributed but that just makes me even more upset. I know that she'll be OK and land on her feet, she was a good manager, more importantly she's a good person and I am happy that I can keep her as a friend.

Job...

Will I have one at the end of today????

My boss was given notice yesterday that today is her last day, what does that mean for our group??? I don't know, I'm trying to remain positive and remember that whatever happens is always for a reason.

I'll let ya'll know later

I did it!!!

I'm signed up for the RACC Run into the New Year at State Fair on 12/31/09. I think a trip to REI may be needed so I can get some winter running clothes. I think I'll start my training tonight!

Thanks for the inspiration Joy and Karen. Hope you ladies are with me!

Also, my niece is PERFECT!!! She's such a small little peanut but man is she precious. It was great to hold her yesterday, I definately got my baby fill and we may go visit tonight too so the kids can go see her, well at least A, E could care less but that's the boy in him LOL.

I'm a Great Aunt again

My niece Liz had her baby today. I'm proud of my Lizzie Lou. Out of the 3 kids J's sister had, Liz has always had a soft spot in my heart. I met her when she was a young girl. She asked me what my "full name" was and I told her and she said maybe one day you'll be a "Fidler" too. Who knew that she would be right, that I would marry her uncle. She lived with us a couple of years ago and she's always helped babysit our kids. Now she's a mom herself. I'm looking forward to seeing the baby, Isabelle (Izzie) as soon as I can.

I'm thankful that my nephew's wife kept me updated via text messaging all day today! It really meant a lot and in a small way I felt like I could be a part of her experience.

As a side note....tomorrow is J and my 20th anniversary of us becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. He came to my house to pick me up for a date and he was a little early. He said he had something in his car for me but couldn't bring it in because my neighbors (we lived in a duplex) were outside. As soon as they left, he went and brought in a stuffed dog that had a shirt on it that said; be mine, and 2 roses. He was so cute asking me to be his girlfriend. Good thing I said yes because I'm as happy today as I was 20 years ago. Thank you God for such a wonderful blessing.

Case of the blah's

Every year I get a case of the blah's when J is gone so much hunting. I'm glad that he goes, in his line of work he needs to destress and I know hunting helps. But then there's the cabin this year to keep him busy as well. I'm happy he has this time but it gets hard. I typically get sick during this time because I'm running all around with the kids and such. Yesterday I had a bad upset stomach when I got home with the kids from school, it went away and I was able to enjoy my evening with Karen for dinner. But today I just feel blech. My stomach still isn't 100%. I know the kids just got over some type of flu bug but I feel more that it was induced by my worries of the job, J being gone and my poor kids being sick for the past 2 weeks.

I'm working from home today which is helping. I also called into religion and I will not be teaching tonight or taking the kids in. I need to take E to the allergist for a follow up appt. and then I'm running to the apple farm for a few apples so I can make a pie or two for Friday.

When I get home I'll plan a 10-15 min on the elliptical, not too much but enough to get some exercise in and then rest. Thrilling but its needed.

Germs, Germs and a side of Germs

Man, my poor son can't catch a break. Missed 2 days of school last week with vomiting and now he has a cold. He had to stay home today because he had a fever at school yesterday. He has gunk in his chest, I can hear it but the medicine I got seems to be breaking it up and he has a more productive cough which is good. I'm hoping my daughter stays healthy.

On the exercising front, enough is enough. I read a friends blog and she wants to make some changes and it started with her hair, another friend set up her exercise room in her basement to kick off her weight loss and I've gained some inspiration. My question is why do we fall off the wagon? I don't know, I wish I did because then I wouldn't do it any more. I can say that I've always struggled with confidence. I want to be a strong example for my kids, that's what sparked my first weight loss effort. I need to go back to that, I want to be a strong example for my kids. I have a lot of lessons I can teach them about being healthy, enjoying life and always trying new things.

After this post I will go and sign up for my next 1/2 marathon. I will be doing the Cheesy 1/2 marathon on May 1st. I've given it some thought and the course was just OK in my opinion but I'm thinking I had a really bad training experience and I want a second go at that course. I believe that if I would have trained properly I would have enjoyed the experience more. So I'm going for it....I want to conquer that course and feel good about it! I have some friends that have their sites on the Madison 1/2 (hopefully they'll both be healthy!!!) and I was going to join them but for my personal reasons I need to run in Kenosha again.

Today I got on the TM and did some intervals as I haven't run in awhile, I did 2 min walking/2 min running. I only did a couple and was on the TM for 20 min. I need to work back up since I've not been running with any consistency. I know I can do this!! I am worth the time I will take to train! I know this will help me with the everyday stresses and things I worry about. This will make me a better wife and mother!! This is for me and I'm worth it!!!

Corporate America

So today my company is merging with Fidelity (FIS). Nerves are running wild here because no one really knows if they will have a job within the next few months. Our group is one of those, we have no clue what the upper mgmt has planned for our team. There is not an equivalent group with FIS so that could mean that they will find value in our team and then I'm sure our roles will be expanded or it could mean, they've been working without a Source Code Management team and they don't feel its necessary. It really could go either way. I try to think positive but its hard either way. I know that if my job is eliminated I will land on my feet and I will find something new. If my job is safe then I think it opens the door to new opportunities and that will be good. But I just still have an uneasy feeling. I think its the unknown. No one knows what's going to happen and that's hard. I'm typically a planner and in this situation I can't plan and that's a little difficult for me.

Another situation I'm dealing with is the kids. They are both sick and throwing up. J stayed home with them today as he's off of work. I'm happy he finally has to take care of the kids as that usually falls to my shoulders. Which is OK but I'm just wiped out myself. And I tell you I better NOT get sick too. LOL

Nice weekend

All in all it was a nice weekend. Friday night/Saturday morning E was sick and throwing up. I was up most the night with him so I tried to sleep in a little more since J was finally home after a week at the cabin. I then cooked the day away, I made apple sauce, taco sauce and jalapeno poppers. J brought back some carrots from our land neighbor so I prepared some of those for cooking so I can freeze them. Sunday consisted of football with a side of football. We were supposed to go to my cousin's 1st birthday party but with E throwing up the day before I just didn't want to chance it. He was perfectly fine all day, which is good.

I was starting to have a head ache yesterday but I think the lack of sleep from Friday which caused me to be over tired and lose a little patience with the kids. I hate when that happens, its not their fault, but for the most part all was OK.

Not a super fun update, just simple which is wonderful.

Drama and Cooking

So there's been drama in the neighborhood block watch that really has upset me. Its really unbelievable the way that grown people can act. I'm not in the center of all of this drama which is good, I make it my point to stay clear of that type of garbage but it really surprises me the actions of some grown adults.

Last night I started the process of homemade spaghetti sauce. I juiced the tomatoes and man my arm hurts! Its hard work putting tomatoes through a food mill! I plan on cooking the sauce tonight to thicken it up and ensure that its seasoned just right and then to the canning jars it goes. Tomorrow I will make another batch of jalapeno poppers and possibly some apple sauce. I need to finish up my first batch of apples. I also need to make a pie for a gathering on Friday. I am so very happy when I'm in the kitchen making stuff. Its a great stress reliever for me.

Today my friend Karen is having surgery, she's in my thoughts and prayers that all goes smoothly! She should be home this afternoon and hopefully resting comfortably.

13 years ago....

Our wedding day. Gosh I can remember it like it was yesterday. Off to get my hair and make up done in the morning with a couple of my bridesmaids and my mom. After that I had to run into the bank to drop off some checks for deposit. I used to work at the bank so I think all the workers were excited to see me before the ceremony, I remember them hugging me and being so excited for my big day. Then I headed home to put on my dress and take pictures. I loved my dress, it was beautiful and had a huge train (I think back now and the style isn't me today, I'd pick something more simple and elegant but at the ripe age of 22 it was what I wanted). I recall my mom being a little upity with me and of course when watching my wedding video she says I was the one that was crabby. I was just quiet, wedding day nerves was all.

After pictures at the house we drove to the church, it was a 1 minute drive from where we lived, shoot I should have walked LOL. I waited in the basement of the church until ceremony time. It was such a long wait and I thought NO ONE would be there to see Jim and I take our vows. But I was wrong, we had a church full of guests. I recall walking down the isle and seeing J waiting. He looked so nervous and excited. J isn't big on being the center of attention but he looked so handsome in his tux. I recall my mom and brother (who were walking me down the isle) weren't walking fast enough. I believe even through my smile I said walk faster. Finally I met J at the end of the isle and we walked up to the alter together. I was so excited and couldn't believe that I was getting married. The ceremony continued and then it was time for our vows. J was first and I got choked up and almost lost it. I thought I was going to cry. Time for my vows and I was able to get through them without tears so I was happy. We exchanged out rings and lit our unity candle, both memorable moments for me. At the end of the ceremony when we were officially introduced as a married couple was so wonderful. I had been waiting all my life to be married and I was lucky enough to find J and be marrying him.

After church it was off to Brown Deer Park for pictures. It was such a lovely warm sunny day. It was picture perfect (bad pun I know). Then it was off to the reception where we had a lovely dinner with all our guests and then it was to the dance floor. We had such a good time dancing and drinking I couldn't have asked for a better day. We had a lot of family and friends that supported us that day and I'm grateful for their support. I'm sure a lot of them never thought that we'd still be married. I think back and we were so young. I looked through all the wedding pictures yesterday and we looked so young. We were, but we've grown together in all aspects of our lives and I couldn't ask for anything more.

As I've posted before I don't know what I've done to be give all of this happiness but I know I'm fortunate, I don't take any moment for granted and I will continue to love J with all of my heart for the rest of our days!

Reality

Back to reality after an adult weekend get away near the Dells. We enjoyed the time away and now we're right back into the thick of family life. The kids, the dogs, the house being a mess, all that fun stuff but I tell you, I wouldn't change a thing.

Tomorrow J and I celebrate 13 years of marriage. This October we will have been dating a full 20 years. As I refelct on our courtship and marriage I am so happy that I found my soul mate at the ripe age of 15. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful man but I'm truely grateful. We've grown together in our life views, our parenting views and just the views of eachother, I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful husband.

Nothing much

I haven't had much to say as not too much is going on lately. I finally took E to the allergist and his is allergic to a ton of stuff. He's on new meds and is doing so much better. I though am feeling guilty for not taking him in sooner to help get him some relief a couple years ago. I shouldn't beat myself up over it but that's the way I operate.

A is doing good, she's enjoying 5th grade I guess. When I ask what's she's done in school I get the "nothing" response. I've talked to other parents and this is their response as well so I guess I don't feel too badly, like she isn't sharing anything with me. Its just kids at this age.

J is in full cabin/hunting mode. Getting some projects on the cabin done before winter and so that the cabin can be properly insured. If its not done the insurance company won't insure the cabin. He's regretting buying the cabin but that's just because he has to take care of all the maintenance items, once that is all done I'm sure he'll LOVE IT.

As for me, not too much going on besides worrying about my job. The merger is officially going through and the date is Oct 1. A lot of managers have already been given notice they will no longer have a job. Its getting a little scary. Rumors are flying around and it just makes me uneasy. I'm doing all I can to not think about it but its becoming a little more real. I'm also planning my niece's baby shower which is now at my house. I knew this would happen when she first said she was pregnant. I'm happy for her I'm just not happy that this gets dumped on me last minute. I'm a planner and now its less than a month away and I feel like I've had no time to plan. My SIL's aunt is ill with Cancer and hasn't been given a good outlook. With treatment, 18 months is what they say she'll have. I'm close with my SIL's family, I call Ruth, Auntie Ruthie just like everyone else. She's gone to Myrtle Beach with us every year and she's really a strong person I admire. So her having cancer is like my very own cancer and I'm worried for her and for all the family. My SIL being a nurse has had to be strong for everyone in the family and go to all the appts so that she can translate into human speak for family members so I'm worried about her and how's she doing.

I know I can't control a lot of this things but its in my nature to worry, I wish some how I could learn not to worry so much. I've gotten better over the years but could still use some improvement.

Well there you have it, not sure anyone even follows the blog but its good therapy for me I guess to get my thoughts out.

Schools In Session

Today was the first day back to school for the kids....I'm happy yet it starts the close of another summer. I was also a little sad as the kids seem to be getting so big so fast. This is A's last year at an elementary school. E is in the 3rd grade...YIKES. I am very proud of my kids, they are smart, funny, loving and caring individuals. While it is exciting for me to watch them grow not only in size but their personalities as well, I can help but be sad as the days of me holding them in my arms has gone. The days of blowing rasberries on their bellys is gone but I have the memories and we continue to make more. But it is a day like this that I wish I could go back to when they were younger and snuggle them just a little more.

No news...

Nope, no news to report. Guess things have been a little boring lately and that's OK. I am excited for the kids to start school. Man they need it!! They've been bickering back and forth so I'll be very excited for the sibling bickering to be put on the back burner.

We did have another successful pig roast. Its so wonderful to see everyone and have so many people at our home. I grew up not wanting to invite people over because of my home life situation and to now have a family and home of my own I look forward to such get togethers. J thinks our house is too small for so many guests but I don't mind. And I would hope that our guests don't mind much either since they continue to come enjoy a summer day with us each year.

I think I've picked out my next run date...May 23, 2010. The Madison 1/2 marathon. I hear its really good and my hair dresser loves that run and has done it many years in the past so that was encouraging. My friends Joy and Joe plan on running it as well. Hopefully both of them will be healthy. I'm hoping Karen will run it with me and maybe we can cross the finish line together. Not sure if I posted that yet or not, if so, sorry you have to read it again LOL.

Not much else to report. Any one want to go to Germany with me?? Lodging would be free/cheap as I have a friend that's there now with her husband who's in the military. Depending on where we go we can stay at their place or at US military bases that rent rooms that are like little apartments. J is not sure he wants to go yet he doesn't want me to go alone. I'm tossing up the whole family going but I'm not sure the kids would enjoy the trip or if I'd enjoy it with them going. My fear is that they would complain and whine about all the walking etc. Perhaps I'd be wrong, they certainly were good on vacation this year and I didn't expect it. Perhaps my kids would enjoy themselves. I guess I'll discuss it with the family and figure out costs and stuff and see if we can all swing it. But if one of my friends wanted to go with me let me know, J would probably prefer that as he's not into international travel.

Continuing.....

To walk and be active yet I still feel like a cow. I actually was in tears yesterday before we went off to the State Fair because I thought I looked like a cow that might be mistakenly put up for auction. Why do I continue to have this struggle?? I don't think I'll ever find an answer but its just frustrating.

We did go off to the Fair yesterday and I was frustrated with my kids....I want I want I want. The trouble is they weren't asking for things out of the ordinary, food, games, rides, its just right now money is tight and I can't give them everything. But I also think I was frustrated because I they were being selfish. I wanted to look through all the vendors to see what was for sale, I wanted to see the animals, watch the horse riding championship etc. We did those things but there was attitude. The kids are getting older and I understand that the things that may have delighted them as a toddler don't necessarily do it now but sheesh. I feel as if I've raised selfish kids that aren't willing to compromise to let others be happy as well. I know that's not the case but it sure felt like it yesterday.

Good News....I'm setting aside May 23, 2010 to run my 3rd 1/2 marathon. It will be in Madison and my friends Joy and Joe have slated this one for themselves and I asked if I could join them. I'm hoping Karen will also want to run this with me. She has been my running inspiration and I'm hoping that we can cross that finish line together!

Peace and Quiet

The family has been up north for a few days and its been quiet in my house. I've had some alone time just me and the dogs and I enjoyed every moment of it. I enjoyed walks with the dogs and playing with them and just lounging around watching tv. No iCarly, no Wizards of Waverly Place, tv I wanted to watch (shark week on Discovery has been interesting). The family comes back today and I've missed them.

I've taken several walks with the dogs and I can see my legs starting to take on a better shape. Along with all the walking I've been eating better and started to do a arm workout that I found in one of my magazines. Little changes that are making me feel better and feel more like myself.

Not too much else going on, just getting ready for the big pig roast on the 15th, hope to see you all there!!

Feeling good

This week I'm feeling really good. On Tuesday we brought home a new dog from the Humane Society. We've named him Cannon and he's fitting in very nicely. I've been out for walks with him, eating better and all together feeling good. Hopefully this is a turning point for me and I can get back on track and start getting happy with myself once again.

I'm even toying with running the Vegas 1/2 on Dec 6th. CCFA will be sending a team from Wi and I've been asked if I'm interested and possibly mentoring as well. I'd love to but the fundraising minimums are so high. Even with the being a mentor. And of course its just before the holidays and smack dab in between the kids birthdays....what to do...what to do.....

FUNDRAISING

PLUG PLUG PLUG

I'm fundraising for Children's Hospital. A close friend's son was diagnosed with cancer a year ago, he has gone through treatments and currently is on the road to recovery. My hope is that all kids have the same outcome. Please consider a donation to team N.E.T: http://www.firstgiving.com/teamnet

Thanks, your support is greatly appreciated!

Has any one missed.....

My blogging?? Not sure I have any readers but I do find it theraputic for me. I've been busy and recently got back from vacation. So now that I'm back and don't have much going on I need to focus on me. Not something that is easy for me to do as I don't feel I should put myself first but it needs to happen.

I've not been following my WW very well lately so this weekend I've made it a point to start logging what I've eaten. I went shopping today and filled my house with healthy foods so I'm feeling a little recharged. One of my WW friends is starting up a WW challenge that I will also start tomorrow.

As for running, I have no idea what the issue is. I ran the 1/2 in May and I haven't really run since. I've been walking, doing the elliptical, Slim in 6 videos, punching bag, volleyball...anything but running. Why is that? I like running but it just seems that after a strict training regime I don't continue with the running. A friend mentioned that I do better when I have something to work towards and that is true. But why not just short runs when I have nothing? I don't get it, what's my issue and why can't I stay on track?

But enough about all that, today is a new day and right now is a new moment and I will do my best to focus on me and take time out to go for walks or out with the girls or something and I will do my best to not feel guilty.

A new week

I look at this week as its a new week, a new start to stay on track and get into a regular work out routine. I was going to start yesterday and I guess I did by spending 2 hours on my hands and knees scrubbing my dirty kitchen floor. It was a good workout as my body is somewhat sore today.

Its a beautiful day outside and I'm looking forward to a run/walk after work today before dinner. I'm not sure what I'm going to make yet but it will be something with ground beef and it will be on the healthier side since I"ve been a bit naughty.

Vacation is coming up and I need to really focus on planning more and updating our GPS maps. I'm also working on our pig roast invitations. I've got them designed and I even have some in envelopes but I ran out of ink and envelopes so I'm stalled at the moment. I hope to have those finished up this week. Aug. 15th save the date!! Joy if you read this I'd love for you and Joe to come out if you can. The main course isn't vegan friendly but I'm sure we can get something made that you can eat!

I hope everyone is enjoying summer.

Wowzers.....

So I haven't posted in a long while. Last week was so very busy with teaching vacation bible school. I had a great time but it made for a busy and exhausting week.

A also was gone from Wed- Sunday camping with the neighbors. It made it nice to only have 1 child I did miss her and it felt different knowing that she wasn't with me or J. She did have a lot of fun and she was home sick the last day but gave us big hugs and snuggles when she got home. She also thought of everyone and she brought us back gifts. Her and I now have matching mood rings, right now I'm blue with a splash of green, what ever that means LOL.

Father's Day was also thrown in there. J had to work all day but then his wish was to go out to eat at Fudruckers. I haven't been there in ages and I polished a burger and fries. Not very healthy but good none-the-less.

I also had my cousins birthday party in there. He is turning 5. He was the little one I carried for my aunt and uncle and its so wonderful for me to see them so happy and have a house full of guests celebrating the life of their son. They had so many troubles with pregnancies and they had so much sadness its so great to see them happy.

On a bad note....I missed the Light House 10 miler. I missed it because of my lack of focus and training. After the 1/2 it was wonderful to have some time not training and I got too caught up in that. I did a lot of yard work, walks, short runs and other forms of exercise but I didn't train like I should have. Karen did get out there and I'm proud of her for being committed. I need to find some of that determination.

I did however go for a mile run last night and it was nice. I enjoyed listening to the birds and the smells of grills, flowers, pine trees and freshly cut grass. Its those things that I love about running, enjoying the outdoors and escaping for a brief moment. I will be hitting pavement a little more often now that things are settling down just a little. And I know that vacation is coming soon as well, I'm excited to see new sites and spend time as a family, things I didn't do as a child myself.

Its been awhile....

Sorry, its been awhile since I've posted. Its just been a busy week. Lets see Monday I had a VBS meeting, Tuesday was my birthday (yep, I'm another year older and hopefully wiser), Wednesday was volleyball, Thursday I went out with a friend for dinner to see her vacation pics and today is Friday. Something each day to keep me out of trouble I suppose.

So on the running front well that's been pretty non-existant. I did get on the elliptical yesterday and I started at the 20 setting and worked my way down each minute. My legs are feeling it today but I felt like I got a good workout in. I'm hoping to hit pavement tonight before J has to help my niece move. I'm so not ready for this run on the 20th. I may have to scrap it if I'm not prepared so I need to get my butt in gear. Not sure where my motivation is but it was nice after the run to not be on a schedule any more. I have been working out in other ways, walks, yard work, cutting grass, throwing the softball around with A things like that. A few runs have been scattered in there as well. I just like the break from such a strict schedule.

Not too much else going on....Hope everyone else in blog land is well.

Rain Rain go away

So this rain is not good for running outside but it is good for my newly planted grass seed. This past weekend I got in a couple of runs and it felt good. They were short (2 miles) but I got out there and I enjoyed the pavement. My side pains seem to be subsiding a little bit. I remember running outside last year and as I got more used to it they seemed to go away. I'm hoping that's the case again this year so that when the time comes for the 10 miler in June I'll be good and won't have issues like I did for the Wisconsin 1/2.

Not too much else to report. Vacation was good and now I'm getting back into the swing of things. I need to focus on my VBS lessons as that is starting in mid June and I'm the lead teacher for my session and need to get things organized and talk to my other teacher helpers to get a game plan put together.

This past weekend we did do some landscaping around our deck so I was very happy about that. Hopefully this up coming weekend I'll get some plants in there and also get my small vegetable garden planted. I'm excited about that. Its the small things that make me happy.

Have a good day everyone! And if anyone can tell me how to make my background pretty that would be great. I have yet to figure out how to change it, I guess I'm blog tarded LOL

Refreshed

So I am back from the beach and I'm refreshed. I really needed some time away and I now feeling recharged. I took a water aerobics class several days, I did a ab workout with a touch of yoga/pilates. It was OK. I also took a 3 mile and 7 mile walk on the beach and well if trying to stay standing after getting hit with a wave is not exercise then I don't know what is.

I did some buggy boarding, shopping, relaxing and eating. There was another girl that came for a few days and she was vegan and made some good food. Reminded me of Joy and Joe and made me think that perhaps I can duplicate these recipes and actually have them to my home once, we'll see. I kind of like our dinners at Tandoor.

Now back to the grind with running. This week is super busy but I'll make time for some light runs to get back into the saddle and on track for my 10 miler on 6/20.

Hope everyone is well and all the moms enjoyed their Mother's Day.

Next run...June 20th

So I did it, or shall I say we (Karen and I) did it. We signed up for our next run. It will be the Lighthouse 10 miler on June 20th and truth be told I'm down right giddy. I'm sure this puts me in the "insane" category but that's OK. I'm looking forward to keeping the running shoes laced. Having something booked should help keep me focused and on track. Not like after last years race when I fell off the running circuit.

Next week I'm hitting the beach and I'm very excited about it. I have beach on the brain. I bought some new shorts and shirts yesterday. I am feeling guilty but I really do need shorts and figured it was OK to do something for me.

Also, our cabin got delivered to our land yesterday. J was able to get up north to see them move it and he took pictures and video. He's excited and I'm excited for him. I actually told him I look forward to spending a weekend there this summer, but that's only after the water and electricity get hooked up! I enjoy the outdoors but I don't think I want to rough it. Call me a wimp if you'd like, I'm fine with that.

Wisconsin 1/2 Marathon........DONE

Both Karen and I took the day off early on Friday. We started by heading to REI, stocked up on caffine beans, Luna bars and even a new running shirt. Then we headed downtown to the Pfister for express pedi's. Then off to Kenosha. We picked up our race packets, bot Karen and I giddy to be running another 1/2. My bib was lucky #726.

We hung out in our room for awhile and played with the sleep number bed. My number is 30 if you'd like to know LOL. We met up with Karen's friend Carrie and her family for dinner. Her kids, Sam and Gabe, were my dinner entertainment. They were great. Carrie and her husband Eric were great company as well. Its great to talk to other runners and here how their training went and what their race prep is. After dinner we were off to Walgreens and then in bed by 9:30.

At 3:45 we got a wonderful wake up call, the fire alarm. There was no fire so that's good, we hoped we'd get back to sleep but nope, the Fire Truck had some and was idling outside our window. The alarm went off at 4:30 be we were already awake. We got ready an boarded the bus around 5:40.

Got to the start area (no thanks to the bus driver that didn't know where it was, good thing others remembered what was on the map). It was cold, I'm not ganna lie. The wind was chilling and we really couldn't wait until the race started. Karen's friend Carrie found us and so did Lisa, Another WW member. While waiting in line for the race to begin, my friend from work, Penny found me and we all started the race together.

Race started strong but around mile 4 I was getting side pains. I worked through them and pushed on. Mile 7-8 was were I seemed to lose my steam. During my training (which was not the best) I had only run 8 miles so I knew pushing through would be difficult. Karen encouraged me every step of the way. She knew I was having a tough time and she was my angel of encouragement. We walked, we ran and before you knew it we were at mile 10. Only a 5k left. After a drink break I heard someone call my name, it was a old high school friend, Meg. She too had run the race and was finished and heading home. She did super and its only her 2nd 1/2.

We continued but mile 12 was not my friend. My calves started cramping slightly. Karen continued to run, I was so proud to watch her push ahead. I did pick back up running as I knew that there would be a photographer around the corner and wanted to look good (who looks good at mile 12 of a 1/2 marathon?? NO ONE, well not me). I got past him and just couldn't run, my calves were cramping and I wanted to finish the run as I was so close to the finish.

I continued to speed walk and then I saw Karen who had come back for me.....who was following her but my daughter. They each took my hand and they gave me the energy to run. I ran towards the finish and then my son joined me. Karen let my hand go so that he could take it and I crossed the finish line with both my kids. I couldn't have asked for anything better than my good friend being there to encourage and support me and then having my family with me. One of my finish line photos is with my son, I'm hoping that there is one with the both of them.

Also crossing the finish I heard people cheering for me. Since my name wasn't on my bib this must have been cheering from Penny and another co-worker, Clorrisa who was supporting her and the other runners. I didn't get a chance to say Thank You but I will come Monday morning.

I got my cheese medal and I as I type this experience I am crying (as I did after the race). Its not something that I thought I'd complete. I knew my training sucked rocks but yet I made it. I don't know my official time but I think it was only 10 mins. more than last year in Napa which is NOT bad at all. For as poorly as I trained I'm pretty damn proud.

I'd like to Thank everyone for their encouragement through during my training and through this run. It was an amazing experience and I can't say it enough, but you all are the best. You all kept me going on that course today. I'd also like to say a special thank you to Karen. I needed help today and you gave it to me, no questions asked. You are wonderful and you are my running inspiration.

Now the only thing left is.......Where should I run next???

Race Day Tomorrow

I'm very excited that race day is tomorrow. Some of my fears have disappeared and I'm feeling slightly more confident. I think its just important that I'm out there and no matter what, I'll enjoy myself.

I can't think of a better partner to be running with than Karen! We are headed for pedicures later this afternoon and then off to the hotel to get our race packets and just take it easy. Dinner will consist of carbs galore!

Thank you to everyone who has supported me during training, you've been helpful and stood by me through all my whining, thanks so much for your support. It means so much!

Next update will be race details!! :)

Update...

J got off for Saturday so he'll now be there. I am happy that my family will now be there but still disappointed that he didn't think of it sooner. He at least paid attention to my disappointment and made it happen and I'm very thankful.

Disappointment

So one of the things that I've been looking forward to is having my family waiting for me at the finish line after the run on Saturday. I was informed yesterday by J that he won't be there because he didn't take off of work. I was crushed and overwhelmed with emotions because I just feel as if he doesn't care about what's important to me. I understand its work but I've been training since January so he's know about this for a long time. Shoot, I signed up for it last fall.

I know it will be fine, I'll have an amazing time running with Karen, my partner in crime. I have some other friends that will be out there that I'm going to try and hook up with but I just can't help being slightly disappointed that they won't be there.

I'm also disappointed that my friend Joe's bone scan showed that he has some fractors and won't be able to run either....hope you heal quickly Joe!!! You'll eventually get through 1 1/2 marathon injury free!

One day closer...

To the big race that is. I'm excited/nervous. I am really hoping that getting out there will help me regain some of the confidence that I feel I've lost in myself. I remember the feeling of crossing the finish line and it was so amazing and filled me with pride and joy of my accomplishment. I'm hoping to get those same feelings once again.

Then its Myrtle Beach time!! May 11th I leave, I can't wait!! I really could use some beach time. I look forward to resting, sunning, shopping, eating and drinking.

Melt Down

So I had a mini meltdown last night and I kind of let J have it. I ran errands yesterday after work, trying to get E a gift for First Communion. I went with my boss and after we got the item we went for drinks. I'm driving back to drop her off and I get a call from A saying "hurry up, we're hungry". How embarrassing! Its only 5:15 FPS and I'm out, dad has 2 hands.

So I scurry home, quick get brats on the grill, start putting the Easter decorations away and trying to pick up as carpet cleaners are coming today and I want them to be able to move our furniture. Get stuff ready for my friend Karen's fundraiser this weekend for CCFA at Vino 100 in Tosa (shameless plug there) as she's coming to pick it up and I haven't even changed out of my work clothes yet. What is J doing during all of this you ask???? Playing Xbox poker. O M G

Dinner gets served, Karen picks up the items (could my kids be any more embarrassing during this time?) then its off to get A into the shower and start on E's school project, building a Indian Plank house. J barks orders at me; get this, get that blah blah blah. Well it finally gets done, close to 9pm and the kids are up way past their bedtime.

Get them to bed and now J was "us" time. Umm I don't feel all sexy after running around, feeling unappreciated by my family and putting myself on the back burner. I haven't run for a couple of days because I'm taking care of everyone else. Run now he says, its 10pm, I don't want to run for an hour, I want to go to bed! So I let him have it. Today looks just as busy as E has First Communion practice so that means I'll miss volleyball, and it will be a late day for a run unless J can get the kids from school.

I've got tomorrow off and spending it scrapbooking with a friend and its supposed to be beautiful so I'm looking forward to that and with any luck J listened to my complaints and will be willing to help more. But if not, Myrtle Beach is just around the corner!!

Busy Busy

So I've been busy just running around, keeping house, preparing for E's First Communion this weekend. Last night I did get some quiet time as J took the kids out shopping for some items and I enjoyed every moment of it. I have a case of the crabbies again and its looking like the BC has helped some but not fully. I don't have any pain which is a good thing but the mood swings are still there although not as forceful as they had been. I have a follow up Dr. appt at the beginning of May to discuss so we'll see what she says.

I'm hoping to get a run in after work today. The rain has moved away for the time being. I still don't feel prepared enough for this up coming run, I'm banking on that I've done this before so I should know what to expect type of thing.

Not too much else to report, Myrtle Beach is coming up soon and I am looking forward to a week at the beach!!!

Another beautiful Day!

It was a nice day out yesterday and I got outside for a quick run. It felt good, it was beautiful! I did get a side stitch and had to stop for a few minutes while I stretched out that area. Not sure why I get them outside and not while I'm on the TM....perhaps its air intake? Who knows. I'm gaining a little more confidence, my hormones must be shifting, thank goodness.

Not too much else to report on, the kids are enjoying the warmer weather and each of them have red cheeks from the sun. They look so cute.

Enjoy the weekend and the sunshine that we will have tomorrow!

Ups and Downs

So I'm still on a hormonal roller coaster and I so wanted to run 3 -4 miles yesterday. I got 2.5 in and then I went up stairs to do my slim in 6 video and I had to stop, my knee was giving me some trouble and since its all about lunges and squats I opted to do a Belly Dancing routine. Its amazing how one day I can have so much confidence and the next its just gone.

I don't feel ready for this 1/2 marathon but I've done this before, I need to work on my running chant (you are strong enough, you can do this). If I have to walk more than I want then that's OK, I'm out there giving it my all and I should be proud of that accomplishment.

It doesn't help that I'm having a "fat" day LOL. I have been slacking on the WW stuff and I'm not sure why. Today I've had a yogurt for breakfast and I packed a TON of fruit for my lunch along with 1/2 my left over gnocchi from dinner yesterday. I'm going out with friends for some dessert today so I'm hoping I can get some time in on the elliptical before we go out. It will make me feel a little better about dessert. But I've also planned for it with my lunch, its a step in the right direction.

I just wish I could understand my hormones and why they get so out of whack and if there was anything I could do to help them straighten out.

I should stop whining, I have several friends that are going through some tough times, I want them to know that they are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm not one to often discuss my religious beliefs, I keep that private but I do believe that God is with each of us and through every life moment there is an opportunity to learn and become a stronger better person. We may not understand why he chooses to bring some heartache and pain, but with the heartache and pain he always brings up happiness and joy. We need to embrace each moment and remember to be thankful for all the many gifts and blessings we have in our lives.

First Outside run

I ran outside yesterday for the first time since my training. This I was nervous about, and I guess I shouldn't have been it went fine. I started with the wind in my face so I thought that might slow me down a little but pace seemed to be good, better than when I'm on the treadmill. Perhaps its because I have scenery going by. When I was out of the wind, it was a touch warm but it was nice. Hopefully spring has sprung and feeling the warm sun on my face will become an everyday occurrence (hey a girl can dream can't she LOL). Once I had the wind at my back I felt it gave me a little extra boost. I came home stretched and was actually proud of my accomplishment. Running to the beat of my keys in running bag was peaceful. I have missed the peaceful runs I've had, just listening to the birds, cars, trees, wind. I vow that after training is done I WILL KEEP RUNNING this time!!! It doesn't have to be as strict as when I'm in training mode but just remembering all the great things about running outdoors and how it helps me become a little more peaceful should be motivation enough!

I plan on getting in another 20 min run outside today as well before coloring Easter Eggs. It should be a good day!

Back to the grind...

So I'm back from Vegas. It was a good trip, got some much needed relaxing and laughing in. High lights of the trip; The Big Elvis show, Love Show, dinner at Paumpas and of course one of my favorites, the fountains at Bellagio.

So I am back to the grind. I didn't have a good run this past weekend but I was super tired from our red eye flight home. I ran a quick mile yesterday to make up for some of the loss. Today I have 4 miles on tap. I really am a little nervous, feeling like I won't be ready for May 2nd. I did have a dream last night that I finished in 2hrs 31 min, better than last years run but that's highly unlikely that I'll beat last years time.

I'll be working on my confidence in the up coming weeks. Last year I had a chant while I ran, I am good enough and I can do it (sounds like I'm channeling Stewart Smalley but it worked). I think I'll do that again this year along with my Dory (Nemo) chant, Just keep running, running (in place of swimming). Yesterday I ready Joy's blog and it say that her husband, Joe, ran 7 miles in an hour, damn I wish I could do that. The quicker I am the quicker I get done LOL. But I'm not made for speed, I'm slow and steady. But even hearing that he is doing that well makes me nervous, like I'm not even close to where he is in his training. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others....that's why I need to work on the whole confidence thing I guess.

Tired

I didn't get good sleep last night because of my wonderful husband's snoring. It kept me tossing and turning. It might not be all his fault, the past 2 weeks I've had something every night and that's kept me busy and its kept me thinking of what needs to get done. I'm really looking forward to a peaceful weekend with only running and a few errands to do.

Today somewhere in my busy schedule I need to get in 3 or 4 miles of running. I'm hoping that Jim can get the kids from school and I can get it done before I go out to dinner at Flat Top Grill for Karen's fundraiser.

6 days til Vegas Baby!

I'm Boring

Nothing new to report. LOL, I'm dull and boring I suppose and you know what, I'm OK with that. I've got a lot of things going on each day this week, its overwhelming but I guess it keeps me out of trouble. I'm just worried my runs will suffer. Today is 5 miles that I need to get done. I will most likely be splitting it up unless I can convince J to take A and the neighbor girl to their skating lessons. Otherwise, I'll do as much as I can before dinner and then finish at the track while the girls are skating.

Thursday is a fundraiser dinner for my friend Karen at the Flat Top Grill from 4-9. If you mention that you are there for CCFA she will receive a portion of the dinner profits. If you can make it please support this great cause! Last year at our run in Napa all the participants were able to raise over 2 million dollars for research. What an amazing experience to be apart of that. I am helping Karen with her fundraising again so its nice to be a small part of the cause again this year.

Also, if you or anyone you know has any items to donate for Karen's silent auction on 4/25 that would be FANTASTIC!! Just let me know and I'll hook ya up :)

Have a great day and here's to a good run later today!

Its Friday!

Training the last week and a half has been sparce, I was sick and this week has just been busy. I did manage to get in 2.5 yesterday and I felt good doing it, it was a bit of a struggle though as I can tell I'm not at 100% yet. Tomorrow I have a long run planned, 2 hours. I'm excited to get that done. Last year when training I didn't get in the 2 hour run, not sure why I didn't so it will definatly be good. If I can get these 2 hours done I know that I only have just over 30 more minutes to run to complete the distance of 13.1 (that's based on my run last year). I know it will be a good motivation booster for me and lets face the facts, who couldn't use a good motivation booster?

So on some positive notes, I think the BC is having a positive affect and I don't seem to be overly hormonal as I have been in the past. I have been a little tired this week but nothing near what I was before (I think some of this has to do with shedding a few pounds as well). I can tell a difference in the clothes that I'm wearing, they are fitting the way they are supposed to and I've had more of a positive attitude as of late so all good things!! Could it be the warmer weather, spring right around the corner?? Who knows but I'll take it!!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Not too much going on as you can tell by my lack of blogging. I'm still on the mend and I'm not 100% but 95% recovered from my cold. Tonight I'm helping Karen on her Fundraiser for Napa and CCFA. Hopefully we'll have a good response from the Tosa businesses. It will be nice to be able to spend some time with her as well. I will need to make it an early evening as I need to get some running in. I had every intention of getting it done this morning but J was snoring too loud all night long and I opted to stay in bed for an extra hour.

The race is getting closer, May 2nd is right around the closer. I'm getting excited and I'm hoping that my week off from running hasn't set me too far behind. This weekend should be nice weather and I'm hoping to get some mileage done outside. Lets hope the warmer temps are here to stay.

Still under the weather

Still no running from me this week. Today I actually feel a little more human, I got a good night's sleep but I still think I'll leave the running shoes on the side line. I don't want to set myself back any should I attempt to run too soon. I do have volleyball tonight and I think that will be enough activity.

I miss running. I've gotten excited and recharged because of my new shoes that I can actually say I miss running. I also got an email from the run with packet pick up times and that too has gotten me excited as well. I am also seeing results in how my clothes are fitting. I'm feeling more self confident and recharged. I haven't had any recent "tired" spells (besides being sick) either. Not sure if that's because I'm getting fit and not carrying around a few extra pounds or if my BC is working. Either way, I'm feeling good and recharged, just like our change in season. I feel as if Spring has come for me personally, now only if the weather would cooperate!

Sick

That's it, that's all I have to report is that I'm sick. I got a nice long run in on Sunday, the day went well and then at night I started feeling crummy. Monday it hit me, I stayed home from work and tried to sleep it all off, that didn't work. I had to cancel plans last night, dinner with friends. I was disappointed but I was in no condition to go out. I didn't sleep well last night either. I was up around 3 or 4 because I was so stuffy, the Nyquill must have worn off. The right side of my face hurts, so it definately is some type of sinus issue. I just took some Sudafed to help with the congestion and to get me through the work day.

I shouldn't complain, it could be worse and I haven't been sick this year to speak of so I've been lucky. When the boys of the house got the stomach flu, I didn't. When the kids have had their little sniffles throughout this winter I haven't gotten it. Its just my turn is all and I'll do my best to get in all the rest I need so that I can get better quicker and get back to running! My training is starting the longer runs and I don't want to miss them, the 1/2 is not that far off!!

Stay healthy everyone!

WOW

So I ran my 5 miles yesterday on the TM, Jim wasn't home for me to hit the pavement on such a nice day. The thing about the 5 miles is I haven't run that distance since my 1/2 last year. I've gotten milage done on the elliptical but that really doesn't count. I was so proud of that accomplishment, you have no idea.

The shoes I purchased are Asics 1140 gel. They are WONDERFUL. I could feel the difference in the very first step and I said WOW. It really makes a big difference. I just still can't get over it. Its really the first time since training began that I feel like I can actually complete this next 1/2 marathon in May. I was getting nervous to be honest.

Everyone enjoy your weekend! I've got a day of scrapbooking planned for tomorrow and then Sunday is nothing but a run and relaxing.

New Shoes

Yesterday I went off to REI with my daughter and I bought my very first pair of running shoes. My last pair were hand me downs and I bought a pair of shoes when I was in college but they weren't "running" shoes. So there we are looking at the shoes not knowing where to start....In comes Tom. Tom asked questions on how I run etc and picked out 5 pairs. Measured my foot and out came the boxes. I tried them all on and narrowed it down to 2 different pairs and then finally settled on 1 after running around the store. So I got me some Acics (because I want to be like my friend Karen). Today I have a 5 mile run scheduled so I'm excited to try them out. I can bring them back at any time if I'm not satisfied.

So there you have it, I'm set with shoes, we'll see how the run goes.

The Reason???

So after I posted yesterday and the day went on my middle toe was bothering me on my right foot. Now I've got issues with my right foot and my big toe is not straight and it rubs against the middle toe, I had a few issues during training in Napa so I expected the same now. So when I got home I checked it out I have a huge blister on my middle toe. I did feel this while running and it was uncomfortable so that could have been part of my reason for cutting the run short. I felt this during my run on Monday.

So, I think the way to solve that problem is to finally buy a new pair of shoes. My shoes were hand me downs so they had wear and tear on them before I even stepped into them. But I never thought I would become the runner I am today so I never invested in a new pair. After Napa I thought, yeah, I'll keep running and get some new shoes, but it never happened. Then I signed up for the run in May, do you think I'd get a new pair yet???? Um no, so tonight after I deliver GS cookies I'm headed to REI to check out their selection. Its a rest day for me so that's definately good, so the blister can heal and then tomorrow's run can be done with some new shoes!!!

Hope I can find something!!

Why is it......

So hard to work out in the morning?? I woke up at 5 and headed downstairs for a run on the TM. I put in the Sweet Home Alabama movie(nope, haven't seen it yet) and attempted to do my run. I got 2 miles in (should have been 3) but I just wasn't feeling it. So, you early morning risers that work out, what's your secret?? Joy, Missy, Karen???? How do you do it? Do you eat first? I didn't and I'm not sure if that's the issue. Is it a mind over matter thing? Yesterday I had a wonderful run in the afternoon. 2 miles were done with ease and I would have done more but my stomach was not happy with me. Is it because I only plan on doing it once a week or so? Perhaps I'm shocking my body?? Your input on this topic is appreciated.

I am taking my daughter to skating tonight at the Petitt so I'll be walking around the track for more exercise so I'll be getting my mileage in today I just really wanted to have it all done this morning and the Petitt would have been the icing.

What a difference a week makes

So last week I did really good with exercising and my Weight Watchers. It gave me a good feeling, a feeling that I haven't had in myself for some time. Makes me wonder why I fell off the wagon. But we won't try to address that, I'm just happy I'm back on the band wagon and succeeding.

Today I've chosen to skip my Cardio Blast class over lunch, I just didn't feel like the teacher today. I'm a little tired and on Girl Scout cookie over load with all the sorting I've done all weekend that I just didn't feel like this super skinny, too much energy lady trying to cheer me on today. My friend and I will be going in shortly to do our own workout and I'm happy with that. I plan on doing some running and hopefully some ST.

I've got a busy week on tap so I'm planning on getting up early tomorrow so I can get my run in first thing. It seemed to work out well last week Tuesday so we'll see if I can do it again this week.

My goal this week is to get some new running shoes. I really think my feet will thank me. I'm hoping on Wednesday I'll be able to get out, keep your fingers crossed that something doesn't come up!

Counting my Blessings

So I'm another day staying focused on my Weight Watchers plan and its making me happy. I'm learning to take joy in the small victories. Yesterday I went over a smidge as Jim came home with some crab so I cooked that up along with our very shrimp dinner (shrimp scampi, shrimp poppers, shrimp Alfredo and good ole' plain shrimp).

So I'm here at work and I have a friend who this week has gone through a mis-carriage. She may need to go in for a DNC. I feel so heartbroken for her as I listen to her story. I've had other friends who've gone through this experience and I just don't know how you women can go through such an experience. It really shows me how blessed I've been. I haven't had any trouble with any of my pregnancies besides the being tired, bloated and nauseous. I was even healthy enough and able to be a surrogate for my aunt and uncle and that pregnancy went fairly smooth besides the loss of one of the babies (it started as a twin pregnancy). I can only imagine the amount of grief that my friends have felt and still do feel. I wish there is more that I can and could have done for my friends who have had to endure this type of loss. Please know that all you wonderful, strong women are in my thoughts and prayers.

It's sad that in such losses it shows others how blessed we are. Some times we take for granted all the wonderful things that we have. I ofter complain of little daily issues that bug me or my hormones being out of balance and it seems so insignificant to what others are/have gone through.

So today I am counting my blessings as I have so many.

2 down

That's right, I was on track 2 days in a row. Today is a rest day of exercise but I may do a little ST later, depending on how I'm feeling. The crabbies may have subsided for this month, but if history repeats itself in another 4 weeks it shall return. Perhaps the BC will have helped improve my moods by then. But I'm not holding my breath.

I'm also slowly regaining my self esteem again. Funny thing is, I'm not sure how I lost it. Just not focusing or controling the things that I can I suppose. I was consumed about worrying about those things I can't control and well, that's just a lot of wasted energy. I need to remain positive.

It is the start of Lent today and I've had my 3rd grade religion students help me decide on what I should give up and its coffee and soda. I've been dipping into those items one too many times. Coffee by itself may not be all that bad but I mix it with cappaccino and that's where the issue is. So I shall go 40 days without. It will also help me stay more focused on my Weight Watchers goals so its really a win/win.

Can you believe it???

I was up at 5:20 AM to run, that's right, you heard it here first. If you don't know it, I'm typically not a morning person, I like to sleep in. But I've been tired lately and I was wondering if because I do my workouts later if that was adding to the problem. Today I was able to complete 2.5 miles and I ran more than I have been running lately so that's a good sign. There was some walking in there but that's OK, I got up and I did it. I was scheduled to do 4 miles today but the run/walk was taking me longer than I had anticipated so I stopped at the 2.5. Better than nothing.

I also was 100% on track yesterday with my Weight Watchers program. Another big hurdle for me. I am unhappy with the winter pounds I've packed on but I'm headed in the right direction and I am happy. Maybe even a little proud of myself. I know its only been 1 day but right now I need some small victories. Shoot I even got in all my water!

I'm also getting my hair done later today. That definately is exciting. I need to cover up some grey and could use a trim. I could use a little time to feel pretty since I've been feeling anything but recently.

I'm hoping that later today when I get home I'll be able to finish my 1.5 miles to make it 4 for the day but I'm not going to fret if I don't. I worked out hard yesterday at my Cardio Blast class and did a billion stairs, not something that I've done before and man, that's a workout.

I wanted to say GOOD LUCK to my friend Karen who officially kicked off her training and being a mentor for the Napa to Sonoma race this July. She will be again raising money for CCFA to help battle Crohn's and Colitis. I will help her any way that I can and if I don't get to actually run the race this year I will definately be there as her cheerleader and to help her drink some wine!

Today is a new day

So all this weekend I've been crabby. It definately is hormones as I've checked my tracking and yep its that time again. I also got the call from the doctor on Friday that my ultra sound was normal. This disappointed me as I was hoping it would yield the reasons for my pain but nope, no answers. I also put on my swim suit on Friday as we were in the Dells and well I wasn't happy one bit. I felt icky and like a whale and I was very self concious.

So, today is a new day and I know some of these feelings are hormonal but I haven't made the best decisions eating wise so TODAY IS A NEW DAY. I am back on the Weight Watchers band wagon and will be tracking every bite I eat! I will get back on track with exercising and no matter how terrible my runs are, I WILL GET THEM DONE!!! I can't control my hormones, or the pain I have but I can control how I am treating myself and honestly it hasn't been very good. I can be good to myself without having guilt, I am worth it!!

Now all I need to do is stay focused and not doubt myself which sometimes is hard to do. But again, today is a new day for me, lets keep our fingers crossed that I can continue to have a positive attitude.

Troubles with runs

So this week has been emotional with the loss of Reno, our dog and my runs have suffered a lot. I hoping that it is because of this emotional roller coaster I've been on is the cause. I have 4 miles scheduled today and I'm not sure I will be able to do it. I'll give it my best. Tuesday I did 3.2 miles on the elliptical but that felt like torture, yesterday I hit the TM at home and did 1.75 miles but that was more walking than running. If this keeps up I fear that I won't be able to complete the 1/2 in May.

On a good note, I am seeing my body tone back up since I've been exercising on a regular basis. I am definately one of those people who will need to always exercise otherwise the flab sneeks up and clings to my ass. As I've said before I'm sure my ass would be worshiped in some countries, I don't want to actually look like a small country. LOL.

I am also headed away this weekend to the Dells for a get away. I'm hoping that some time in the hot tub with a drink in hand will help relax me and get me back on track with the training. Being with family and friends should certainly help improve my mood.

R.I.P Reno

Well, Reno took a turn for the worse and I thought he was improving but he wasn't. He had a bad night on Sunday, he had chills, trouble walking and looked miserable. We decided yesterday to make the decision to put him down to end his suffering. We said our good byes last night and then Jim took him in. Its been an emotional roller coaster and I miss him but I know he's not suffering.

Thank you everyone for your words of kindness and support, it means more than I can express in words.

Reno...

Good news on the dog front, Reno is doing better. Thank God because I had said my good byes and shed my tears for MY first dog. Friday night I talked to the vet and he didn't know, based on the symptoms I described, what the issue was, his heart, a virus, he just didn't know. He said the older a dog gets the harder it is for them to recover and he knew that we wouldn't want him to suffer. After Jim came home from running errands I told him what the vet said, we saw Reno laying on the floor and as I stated "I wish I knew what to do", Jim replied with "You know what we need to do". And he was right, I didn't want him to suffer, he deserves more than that. I cried, snuggled with my pup and thought that Saturday morning we'd be taking him in.

Reno had other plans I guess because he ate some steak I gave him. This was the first bit of food he had since Wednesday (although he threw that all up). Since he ate 1 piece I gave him another and then another. He also ate 1/2 of a bun I had cooked. We were encouraged by him finally eating but again, were weary. Saturday morning he ate some of a bagel, eggs, sausage, ham and cheese. Jim called from work asking if he needed to come home to take him in and I said "no, he ate some food". After work he came home with a can of dog food and he enjoyed that. He actually drank out of his water dish (he had been eating snow and licking the ice in the back yard). He seemed to improve throughout the day.

Today (Sunday) he ate more of the canned dog food, he really gobbled it up and he ate some of his normal dry food. He even barked at some passer byers taking a walk. I've been able to get 2 days of his meds in (1 for his heart, the other for his back leg). I hope that he continues to improve because he's not 100% but at least with him eating I'm assured that he's not starving to death. This really puts my heart at ease, at least for a short while as he is 12 1/2 so I know his time may be coming soon. I'm just glad it wasn't this weekend.

Now about me, I started my BC pill today, its weird saying that, I don't have a uterus, Jim is fixed yet I have to be on BC. I'm hoping that it will help aide in my moods and the menopausal symptoms I've been experiencing. I'm headed for an ultra sound tomorrow which is a good thing because yesterday I had some pain. I'm hoping by them doing this ultra sound they are able to see something with the ovaries that might explain the pains. My assumption is its ovulation pain but I don't know if that can be seen on an ultra sound or not.

I did get in 8 miles on the elliptical today, which felt good. Tomorrow Jim will be moving my TM over as I really need to be getting these long distances on the TM until I can hit pavement. I'm a wimp, I'll admit it, I don't like the cold or wind and can't bring myself to run outside just yet.

OK, I've blabbed enough for one day, I'm going to enjoy the peace and quiet as the kids are at their friends playing. We're also trying a new recipe today, Savory chicken crescent squares, we'll see how that turns out.

Thanks for your support everyone, it really means a lot.

Rough Week

So this week I had a hard time hitting my mileage on the running front. Perhaps its because I'm headed into my "tired" phase. I just made my 4 miles Tuesday and yesterdays 4 miles turned into 2. I know 2 is better than nothing and I did have volleyball last night as well so I'm getting in much needed activity. I just wish I knew what the issue was. I'm sure its just a bad week and next week I'll have lots of energy and bounce right back.

As for why else its a rough week, well I got home Wednesday to 11 area's where my dog Reno threw up. He just looked aweful and so sad. Well he seems to be on a decline. He has a heart problem and he's old. He's a big dog and he's 12 1/2 so he's up there in age for a bigger dog. We took pictures with him last night and he wasn't looking good and his heart rate was off. This morning he ate 2 peices of bread and just a lick or two of water. I'm going to try and give him is heart meds because he's been "coughing" (which is due to his heart, it causes fluid on his lungs). Its just rough because we don't know what to do. Is it time to put him down? Is it just a doggy flu and he'll recover? Its hard on the kids too. E spent a good portion of the evening crying and its hard to not be able to console your kids.

We don't know anything for sure so perhaps Reno will bounce back, we'll just wait and see. Now I'm off to go watch A in her Dance Assembly at school. She worked on a routine with a few other kids from her class and their ganna dance it up.

Test results are in

And they found nada, nothing, zilch. So next course of action, I will start on Yaz BC on Sunday. If that doesn't help with the symptoms or pain then it looks like laproscopic surgery. I also have an ultra sound scheduled for Monday to check that all is well with my ovaries. Hopefully the BC will help and get my moods back to normal and help with the pain that I'm having.

Today was 4 miles and I was on the TM. Its been awhile since I've hit the TM so it was good. It took longer than it has been when I'm on the elliptical but I was also a little sore from yesterday's Cardio Blast class so that might have something to do with it. My legs were just plain tired.

Nothing else is going on which is nice. I plan on watching some American Idol tonight with a glass of wine in hand as the next couple of nights I've got something going on.

Beyond Angry

First let me update everyone on the doctor....She was great, listened to everything, took notes and confirmed that I'm not crazy (good to know). They took a bunch of blood to test my thyroid, hormones, iron levels and cholesterol. So now I wait to see if any of that provides any answers.

Ok, now why am I mad??? I get to work this morning and before my PC boots up my phone is ringing, its my brother to tell me my mom sent an email asking for money. I kid you not the email starts out by "Which one of you is going to loan me money". She's got car issues and wants can't afford to pay for them and this is my problem how?? I know that may sound insensitive but I've borrowed money to my mom in the past but I've never seen a penny back in return. I mean for Pete's Sake the woman is 60 some years old get a grip for crying out loud. She's always had someone bail her out and I'm sick of her asking and not appreciating the assistance I've given her in the past. I have my own family, my own set of bills and responsibilities I can't take care of her either. Its just frustrating and I've gotten sick today because of it. My brother is angry just like I am but he stepped in and under protest is going to help her. I personally and upset that he gave in but it is his choice and I understand feeling like your between a rock and a hard place. Just frustrating is all.

I'm a little better now having voiced my anger. Thanks for listening to me vent. Now I'm going out with a girlfriend to drink some wine so that should help me too!!

Doctor Day

First update, the butt is not as sore, the calves still are from Monday's workout. Tuesday I did manage my 4 miles, I'm not sure how I pulled that off but I did. I took a much needed DOR yesterday and that felt great.

Today is when I go to the doctor and hopefully I will have a game plan to attack my hormone issues I've been experiencing. I'm not too hopeful though, not sure why. I just have a bad feeling I'm going to be told its all in my head. Perhaps that's just the unknown with a new doctor. I'll try and be positive and if this doctor doesn't take me seriously then I'll find another who will. Simple as that.

On another note, this past weekend I watched Mama Mia for the first time. I realized that's my life! I kid you not some of the lines in the movie (I'm sure they were in the play too but I haven't seen that production) are exactly what I was feeling when I got married. I even got a hold of my dad via letters before I got married because I so wanted my dad to walk me down the isle. I was happy that I had my mom and brother by my side but there was just something missing. I have always been a big fan of Father of the Bride but I always cry at that movie because I didn't have a dad with me to walk me down the isle or freak out over wedding bills. Instead I had a mom that called me "crabby" on my wedding day, but I digress.....As I watched Mama Mia I felt some of the same things as she did about her dad. I watched it again on Sunday with my mom and I can only imagine what was going on in her head. Remember now that she slept around because the guy I thought was my dad wasn't and now its someone else (Jerry Springer material I know). I can only imagine what she was thinking, but I hope that she is disappointed in herself for all the trouble she's caused to others but I doubt it.

Now I'm not complaining that I didn't have a daddy and woe is me, because now I have 2 dads that I talk to. I have a heap full of brothers and sisters and cousins now that I never knew and now they are apart of my family and they've accepted me and mine as if we were there all the time. How special is that. What a wonderful life I do have and I'm greatful, but I could sure use some of those "Royalties" from the play/movie since they based it on me without me knowing. LOL

Sore

So yesterday was supposed to be my Cardio Kickboxing class but we had a sub and well she bounced around a lot. I got in a good work out and man am I sore today. You know what's sore????.......wait for it........ my butt. Now I just thought my butt was a pile of flabby jello but some where in the flab must be some muscles because man, their sore. I feel good, if it weren't for my hormonal exhaustion setting in. I have a 4 mile run scheduled for later, we'll see how that goes. I'm not too sure if I should let my muscles rest after yesterday's workout or if I should go ahead and run. I think I've decided I'd give it a whirl and see what happens.

Now on another front that has been aggrevating me.....I need new clothes, I'm tired of wearing all the same things and really would like something new. Couple of things are standing in my way. 1) my fashion tardedness. I'm not a good judge of picking out my own clothes, I've never been girly that way and just don't know what looks good or how to match things together. Occasionally I get it right but that's rare. 2) money, I don't have a lot to spend. My husband says, just go out and get what you need but my logical side kicks in and thinks I shouldn't really spend money that we are trying to put to our credit cards to get those paid off. Why is it that I have this issue?? Just a couple of items is all I would need to make me happy yet I don't think I'm worth it. Now if it were the kids sure not a problem....but when it comes to me, I'm hesitant. Why is this? Is it a mom thing? Is it the Catholic guilt thing? Is it being smart? Who knows??

Sleepy

Its Friday and man am I tired. I could seriously crawl back into bed and fall asleep, but alas work awaits my arrival after the kids are off to school.

Yesterday another 4 miles was scheduled and I was able to do it! My body had energy and I succeeded in getting in the mileage and then made it off to volleyball. So my volleyball team appears to be super competitive. I don't mind that but the trouble is when someone shanks a ball they get upset at themselves and it affects the rest of their play. Now I don't know these people so I just try to stay up beat and cheer them on but man the attitude of one of the girls was just down right silly. Its a game people, you're not trying to win a gold medal here, I think if you win the #1 spot you get extra beer.....Certainly not my motivator. I'm out there to have a good time, to continue to get exercise and just have fun. Why don't others see it that way. I mean if you've had a bad day then just smack the ball to take out your aggressions, it works.

OK, off the soapbox now. I'm hoping that my body has enough energy for tomorrow's big run. Although tomorrow is only 30 minutes and I've been doing that with my 4 milers. I may extend the time because of only getting in 1 mile on Tuesday, we'll see how I feel. The house needs cleaning too (I wish it would clean itself).

Struggle

So yesterday I attempted to do 4 miles of running per my training program. I knew it would be a struggle but and well I just wasn't up to the battle. I ran for a mile and it took everything I had and then I had to stop. I couldn't do any more, my body just wouldn't allow me to run another step. I was disppointed but I headed to the bike and rode for 5.5 miles. I felt a little better, not feeling that I gave up on a full workout but that I did what I could. I tried to feel like I still was victorious but I still had a feeling of disappointment. As I stretched and listened to my iPod I tried to relax a little and just be happy of the accomplishment of working out for 30 minutes.

I'm hoping tonight I can get in 3 miles on the elliptical, the 3 I missed yesterday. Its just so frustrating and a small thing like a woman's hormones can cause such an inbalance in our daily lives. I know that I've complained A LOT and I know I shouldn't. I have my heath and I can function on a daily basis. There are so many others who are having major issues in their lives and here I am moaning about my little woes.

My goal is to take things as they come. I can't control everything and I can only do what my body tells me I can do. I won't press myself to do more if I can't, I don't want to risk injury. I will also try to not be so hard on myself when I struggle. Things are out of my control and I can't do anything about it. I will appreciate what I can do and celebrate the victory in that accomplishment.

A quick thank you to the followers of the blog, shoot, I just started blogging and all I feel I do is complain, hopefully that will change. Well, I'll make an effort and hopefully I'll succeed.

On a good note, I just ready my annual review notes and its the best review that I've received in my current position. I'm very excited about that and that certainly boosts my mood in an upward direction. Its funny, I think I do my job well but never want to toot my own horn, its something I've never been good at, but it looks like my boss has recognized my contributions and I couldn't be more pleased. With my role on the team as the only non-technical individual its harder to prove myself and show that the functional work I do is an asset and helps this technical team I'm on.

I wish everyone a good day! Keep warm and well, lets enjoy the sunshine!

Case of the Crabbies

I'm so not in the mood for anything. Hormones are full swing and I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I didn't want to work today, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed. Knowing that's not an option of course I get ready for work and E is sick. He's got a funky cough and looks just down right miserable. So I opted to keep him home and have him rest. Which means I get to work from home and that's great because I'm very anti social. I really hate feeling like this. I had more pain yesterday than I've had in awhile and now this crabbiness. I shouldn't complain and bitch because its not serious, I have my health, I just have out of control hormones. Hopefully something that will be easily corrected when I see the doctor next week. All I can do is apologize to all my friends and family for the constant bitching I've been doing over the past few months (well year and a half).

So now that I've finished lunch, I'll continue working listening to cartoons in the background and SUCK IT UP and try and function like a normal human being.