Mojo Lost

Lost: Denise's Mojo...if you find it could you please return it to her ASAP since her ass is getting larger by the day!

I have now worked out 2 days in a row in the hopes of getting back my lost mojo. Somehow I just gave up the "me" time. I only take 20-30 minutes or working out so why can't I seem to keep up with it?? Why must I feel guilty that I've taken the time for myself?? Why must I feel so lazy about it?? Well, I'm forcing myself to get out of this rut. I'm supposed to be running on New Year's Eve and I'm no where close to where I should be. I'm working on it and vow to do some type of activity each day for a minimum of 20 min. I need to take this time for myself to get me back. I'm not liking the way my clothes are fitting, I've been very negative lately and I'm just done with the excuses. I know if I take care of myself then I'll be less stressed, I'll be in a good mood and my family will not have to feel my wrath.

Now, its just to keep up with this attitude...the I CAN DO IT attitude....I've tried and tried again, hopefully it will stick this time around.

Feeling like a royal....

Bitch. Yep that's right, I'm PMSing, the kids continue to fight with each other and of course J is still gone and I'm not liking my new management. It's becoming tiring and I've had enough. I love my family, but I think I need a break.

I think the whole job situation has really gotten the best of me. Trouble is I like my job, I loved the flexibility and now that has been taken away, I just don't have the same drive. I suppose I haven't given new mgmt a chance since its only been 2 weeks but I really haven't been impressed. So that begs the question, do I make a job change? I don't know...Truthfully I don't know what I'd be good at. I'm good at my job but my job is a little unique and I don't know how I'd take that anywhere else. I never had any thoughts as a kid of "I always wanted to be..." I never thought about it. I was told I'd amount to nothing so that's what I believed. I'd hate to say that at age 35 I still believe that because I know I've accomplished so much but yet a part of me still does believe it.

So where do I go from here??? In January I typically go away with a friend for a weekend and I do a lot of soul searching then so I guess that's going to be my focus. What do I want to be when I grow up...what am I good at???

Sad thing is, 2 weeks ago I didn't have these thoughts, I was happy in my job, growing, learning and very content. Why is it so easy for all of that to be turned upside down and what type of lesson should I be learning from this situation?

Gearing up for another week as a.......

Single parent. Yep, you guessed it, tomorrow J leaves for a week of hunting. I know its his love and I would never take it away, it just gets really old after a couple of months. It's easier now that the kids are older but it doesn't make his absence any easier. I still miss him and would like him to be home to help out. I'm not sure how single parents can do it, I certainly have much respect for any single parent.

Things at work are weird...talking with other people who still have their jobs but people around them were let go. It's the feeling we're all grateful we still have jobs for the time being but we have such sadness for those that don't. Perhaps that's why I'm not further up in the chain of command, I wouldn't be able to tell people they no longer have a job, especially in this economy. Funny thing is when my boss was let go she gave us all our personal files and I really realized that I don't make that much money, throughout my 18 years with the company I saw where I started and where I'm at and with each increase I get excited because its the most money I've ever made. But with the role I have now and the work I'm doing I feel that I'm worth more. I know my old manager felt that same way but she wasn't able to do anything about it since raises were frozen last year along with all bonuses, rewards etc. I guess we'll see if this new manager will do anything for us, truth be told, I'm not sure she will find value in my position. My old manager did, but I do all the stuff the other technical folks on my team don't want to do. They can do it but their big techie brains can't handle the every day easy stuff. A co-worker said there is a lot of value in my position, when I'm gone on vacation she spends most her time doing my job. It was good to hear, hopefully she'll inform my new manager of that too.

Anyway, enough Debbie Downer....I need to look on the positive side of things, I have a job, I have my wonderful family and I know the work that I do is quality even if my salary doesn't fully reflect that.

I still have a job

I'm happy about that but I am having an issue with my manager being let go. I feel guilty that we're all still working and she is not. I know that the choice was made by people that have no clue of the work or value that a particular worker has contributed but that just makes me even more upset. I know that she'll be OK and land on her feet, she was a good manager, more importantly she's a good person and I am happy that I can keep her as a friend.

Job...

Will I have one at the end of today????

My boss was given notice yesterday that today is her last day, what does that mean for our group??? I don't know, I'm trying to remain positive and remember that whatever happens is always for a reason.

I'll let ya'll know later

I did it!!!

I'm signed up for the RACC Run into the New Year at State Fair on 12/31/09. I think a trip to REI may be needed so I can get some winter running clothes. I think I'll start my training tonight!

Thanks for the inspiration Joy and Karen. Hope you ladies are with me!

Also, my niece is PERFECT!!! She's such a small little peanut but man is she precious. It was great to hold her yesterday, I definately got my baby fill and we may go visit tonight too so the kids can go see her, well at least A, E could care less but that's the boy in him LOL.

I'm a Great Aunt again

My niece Liz had her baby today. I'm proud of my Lizzie Lou. Out of the 3 kids J's sister had, Liz has always had a soft spot in my heart. I met her when she was a young girl. She asked me what my "full name" was and I told her and she said maybe one day you'll be a "Fidler" too. Who knew that she would be right, that I would marry her uncle. She lived with us a couple of years ago and she's always helped babysit our kids. Now she's a mom herself. I'm looking forward to seeing the baby, Isabelle (Izzie) as soon as I can.

I'm thankful that my nephew's wife kept me updated via text messaging all day today! It really meant a lot and in a small way I felt like I could be a part of her experience.

As a side note....tomorrow is J and my 20th anniversary of us becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. He came to my house to pick me up for a date and he was a little early. He said he had something in his car for me but couldn't bring it in because my neighbors (we lived in a duplex) were outside. As soon as they left, he went and brought in a stuffed dog that had a shirt on it that said; be mine, and 2 roses. He was so cute asking me to be his girlfriend. Good thing I said yes because I'm as happy today as I was 20 years ago. Thank you God for such a wonderful blessing.