Test results are in

And they found nada, nothing, zilch. So next course of action, I will start on Yaz BC on Sunday. If that doesn't help with the symptoms or pain then it looks like laproscopic surgery. I also have an ultra sound scheduled for Monday to check that all is well with my ovaries. Hopefully the BC will help and get my moods back to normal and help with the pain that I'm having.

Today was 4 miles and I was on the TM. Its been awhile since I've hit the TM so it was good. It took longer than it has been when I'm on the elliptical but I was also a little sore from yesterday's Cardio Blast class so that might have something to do with it. My legs were just plain tired.

Nothing else is going on which is nice. I plan on watching some American Idol tonight with a glass of wine in hand as the next couple of nights I've got something going on.

Beyond Angry

First let me update everyone on the doctor....She was great, listened to everything, took notes and confirmed that I'm not crazy (good to know). They took a bunch of blood to test my thyroid, hormones, iron levels and cholesterol. So now I wait to see if any of that provides any answers.

Ok, now why am I mad??? I get to work this morning and before my PC boots up my phone is ringing, its my brother to tell me my mom sent an email asking for money. I kid you not the email starts out by "Which one of you is going to loan me money". She's got car issues and wants can't afford to pay for them and this is my problem how?? I know that may sound insensitive but I've borrowed money to my mom in the past but I've never seen a penny back in return. I mean for Pete's Sake the woman is 60 some years old get a grip for crying out loud. She's always had someone bail her out and I'm sick of her asking and not appreciating the assistance I've given her in the past. I have my own family, my own set of bills and responsibilities I can't take care of her either. Its just frustrating and I've gotten sick today because of it. My brother is angry just like I am but he stepped in and under protest is going to help her. I personally and upset that he gave in but it is his choice and I understand feeling like your between a rock and a hard place. Just frustrating is all.

I'm a little better now having voiced my anger. Thanks for listening to me vent. Now I'm going out with a girlfriend to drink some wine so that should help me too!!

Doctor Day

First update, the butt is not as sore, the calves still are from Monday's workout. Tuesday I did manage my 4 miles, I'm not sure how I pulled that off but I did. I took a much needed DOR yesterday and that felt great.

Today is when I go to the doctor and hopefully I will have a game plan to attack my hormone issues I've been experiencing. I'm not too hopeful though, not sure why. I just have a bad feeling I'm going to be told its all in my head. Perhaps that's just the unknown with a new doctor. I'll try and be positive and if this doctor doesn't take me seriously then I'll find another who will. Simple as that.

On another note, this past weekend I watched Mama Mia for the first time. I realized that's my life! I kid you not some of the lines in the movie (I'm sure they were in the play too but I haven't seen that production) are exactly what I was feeling when I got married. I even got a hold of my dad via letters before I got married because I so wanted my dad to walk me down the isle. I was happy that I had my mom and brother by my side but there was just something missing. I have always been a big fan of Father of the Bride but I always cry at that movie because I didn't have a dad with me to walk me down the isle or freak out over wedding bills. Instead I had a mom that called me "crabby" on my wedding day, but I digress.....As I watched Mama Mia I felt some of the same things as she did about her dad. I watched it again on Sunday with my mom and I can only imagine what was going on in her head. Remember now that she slept around because the guy I thought was my dad wasn't and now its someone else (Jerry Springer material I know). I can only imagine what she was thinking, but I hope that she is disappointed in herself for all the trouble she's caused to others but I doubt it.

Now I'm not complaining that I didn't have a daddy and woe is me, because now I have 2 dads that I talk to. I have a heap full of brothers and sisters and cousins now that I never knew and now they are apart of my family and they've accepted me and mine as if we were there all the time. How special is that. What a wonderful life I do have and I'm greatful, but I could sure use some of those "Royalties" from the play/movie since they based it on me without me knowing. LOL

Sore

So yesterday was supposed to be my Cardio Kickboxing class but we had a sub and well she bounced around a lot. I got in a good work out and man am I sore today. You know what's sore????.......wait for it........ my butt. Now I just thought my butt was a pile of flabby jello but some where in the flab must be some muscles because man, their sore. I feel good, if it weren't for my hormonal exhaustion setting in. I have a 4 mile run scheduled for later, we'll see how that goes. I'm not too sure if I should let my muscles rest after yesterday's workout or if I should go ahead and run. I think I've decided I'd give it a whirl and see what happens.

Now on another front that has been aggrevating me.....I need new clothes, I'm tired of wearing all the same things and really would like something new. Couple of things are standing in my way. 1) my fashion tardedness. I'm not a good judge of picking out my own clothes, I've never been girly that way and just don't know what looks good or how to match things together. Occasionally I get it right but that's rare. 2) money, I don't have a lot to spend. My husband says, just go out and get what you need but my logical side kicks in and thinks I shouldn't really spend money that we are trying to put to our credit cards to get those paid off. Why is it that I have this issue?? Just a couple of items is all I would need to make me happy yet I don't think I'm worth it. Now if it were the kids sure not a problem....but when it comes to me, I'm hesitant. Why is this? Is it a mom thing? Is it the Catholic guilt thing? Is it being smart? Who knows??

Sleepy

Its Friday and man am I tired. I could seriously crawl back into bed and fall asleep, but alas work awaits my arrival after the kids are off to school.

Yesterday another 4 miles was scheduled and I was able to do it! My body had energy and I succeeded in getting in the mileage and then made it off to volleyball. So my volleyball team appears to be super competitive. I don't mind that but the trouble is when someone shanks a ball they get upset at themselves and it affects the rest of their play. Now I don't know these people so I just try to stay up beat and cheer them on but man the attitude of one of the girls was just down right silly. Its a game people, you're not trying to win a gold medal here, I think if you win the #1 spot you get extra beer.....Certainly not my motivator. I'm out there to have a good time, to continue to get exercise and just have fun. Why don't others see it that way. I mean if you've had a bad day then just smack the ball to take out your aggressions, it works.

OK, off the soapbox now. I'm hoping that my body has enough energy for tomorrow's big run. Although tomorrow is only 30 minutes and I've been doing that with my 4 milers. I may extend the time because of only getting in 1 mile on Tuesday, we'll see how I feel. The house needs cleaning too (I wish it would clean itself).

Struggle

So yesterday I attempted to do 4 miles of running per my training program. I knew it would be a struggle but and well I just wasn't up to the battle. I ran for a mile and it took everything I had and then I had to stop. I couldn't do any more, my body just wouldn't allow me to run another step. I was disppointed but I headed to the bike and rode for 5.5 miles. I felt a little better, not feeling that I gave up on a full workout but that I did what I could. I tried to feel like I still was victorious but I still had a feeling of disappointment. As I stretched and listened to my iPod I tried to relax a little and just be happy of the accomplishment of working out for 30 minutes.

I'm hoping tonight I can get in 3 miles on the elliptical, the 3 I missed yesterday. Its just so frustrating and a small thing like a woman's hormones can cause such an inbalance in our daily lives. I know that I've complained A LOT and I know I shouldn't. I have my heath and I can function on a daily basis. There are so many others who are having major issues in their lives and here I am moaning about my little woes.

My goal is to take things as they come. I can't control everything and I can only do what my body tells me I can do. I won't press myself to do more if I can't, I don't want to risk injury. I will also try to not be so hard on myself when I struggle. Things are out of my control and I can't do anything about it. I will appreciate what I can do and celebrate the victory in that accomplishment.

A quick thank you to the followers of the blog, shoot, I just started blogging and all I feel I do is complain, hopefully that will change. Well, I'll make an effort and hopefully I'll succeed.

On a good note, I just ready my annual review notes and its the best review that I've received in my current position. I'm very excited about that and that certainly boosts my mood in an upward direction. Its funny, I think I do my job well but never want to toot my own horn, its something I've never been good at, but it looks like my boss has recognized my contributions and I couldn't be more pleased. With my role on the team as the only non-technical individual its harder to prove myself and show that the functional work I do is an asset and helps this technical team I'm on.

I wish everyone a good day! Keep warm and well, lets enjoy the sunshine!

Case of the Crabbies

I'm so not in the mood for anything. Hormones are full swing and I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I didn't want to work today, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed. Knowing that's not an option of course I get ready for work and E is sick. He's got a funky cough and looks just down right miserable. So I opted to keep him home and have him rest. Which means I get to work from home and that's great because I'm very anti social. I really hate feeling like this. I had more pain yesterday than I've had in awhile and now this crabbiness. I shouldn't complain and bitch because its not serious, I have my health, I just have out of control hormones. Hopefully something that will be easily corrected when I see the doctor next week. All I can do is apologize to all my friends and family for the constant bitching I've been doing over the past few months (well year and a half).

So now that I've finished lunch, I'll continue working listening to cartoons in the background and SUCK IT UP and try and function like a normal human being.