Merry Christmas!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

First and foremost I wish all my readers a Blessed Holiday Season. My wish for each of you is that 2010 brings you good health and much happiness.

As for the other things going on in life....I guess I'm stressed, not sure why but apparently that's what J thinks....I think it's just my hormones going array again. I suppose it is still the stress of not knowing what's going on with the job. The stress of needing to implement changes to my schedule so that I can be at work at 7 am and not work from home, drive the kids to school and then come to the office. I'm really resistant on that because I don't understand the logic behind mgmts decision. But it's one of those things that I won't understand but need to do anyway and just get over it I suppose.

As for exercising, I've been doing OK...Not getting in as much time as I would like. I really need to put my own needs first sometimes but have a hard time doing that. Perhaps it's because of the holidays and the kids birthdays and all that jazz. But come January, it HAS TO BE ABOUT ME. I need to start training for the 1/2 and I really want to run well this go around. I am looking forward to my annual get away with my friend Shelly. I've always been able to recharge on our weekend away. My focus this year will be committing to the training and figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.

Speaking of the "what I want to be" I'd like to ask a favor from my readers.....What type of job or work do you think I would be good at. You all know my personality and sometimes you can just tell what jobs people should be doing. My trouble is I never wanted to be anything when I grew up, just married and have kids. I was always told I would not amount to much and after so long you start to fall into that and make it reality. Well I've worked to over come a lot of my childhood issues but this is one that I continue to struggle with....What am I good at...what work would I be good at doing. I ask each of you because we are our own worse critic and what others see in us we don't necessarily see in ourselves.

Thank you in advance my friends! And again MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Where does the time go???

So yesterday was E's birthday, he's now 9....I can remember like yesterday when he was born. Where does the time go?? I am very proud of my kids and the people they are becoming. They are wonderful blessings and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for them and how they've enriched my life.

As for running, I did a mile and a half the other day with no walking, it felt good. I ran from the car to a restaurant yesterday and I'm not sure how in the world I'm going to run outside on New Year's Eve....I was winded, the brisk air felt good in my lungs but I couldn't take a lot of it....I'm sure I'll figure something out and if worse comes to worse, I'll just run the race at home LOL...Will that count? I have seen some of my body toning up and my strength getting better so that's good, I'm on track for when I'll hit the training schedule hard for the 1/2. I do have a friend, Andrea, and possibly Ann who will be running the Cheesy 1/2 marathon with me. It will be good to have company but I'm happier that I've inspired 2 non runners to feel what I feel when I cross the finish line of a run. It's such a good feeling, and it definitely will give me the confidence back that I've lost. I still think back to my running inspiration, Karen, I'd certainly like to thank her for sharing her love of running with me and taking me along to Napa!!

Anyway, I guess that's all. I know my blog is boring, I guess I'm not as creative a writer as my other fellow friends that blog but whatcha ganna do?? I guess its a good journaling experience for me. Hopefully to continue to keep me on track.

Looking forward

I'm looking forward to my workout tonight. I took the weekend off as I went shopping on Saturday with A....unless you count me speed walking through isles at Toy's R' Us or walking fast through the mall. After A and I completed our shopping on Saturday I came home and cleaned....I just love me a clean house. Then A had her first basketball game and she was amazing!! I mean it, she was a great defensive player and she scored the teams first basket!!! I like that she's atheltic and I hope she enjoys her season. Now to get E involved in a sport he likes. He really wants to play football, I need to find a league to get him on.

So the workout tonight, I'll be on the Treadmill for a run/walk, whatever my body will allow. I'm getting stronger which makes me feel good and I can see some changes in my body which is also good! I'm feeling good, looking good, which all does amazing things for my attitude.

4 days.....

Straight that I've worked out...Here's the breakdown:

Saturday = Treadmill 30 min, some weight work
Sunday = Elliptical 30 min
Monday = Crazy taped strength/Cardio work out 50 min...it really was good but it kicked my butt but I look forward to mastering it!
Tuesday = Elliptical 20 min (easy after Monday's workout)

I am gearing up for the RACC run on Dec 31st and then getting myself positioned for the 1/2 training that will be starting early next year. I'm feeling good, better that I am taking some time for myself and not so stressed so those are all really good things. Tonight I have to teach religion so I'm hoping J can go get the kids from school so I can get my workout in before class. We'll see how that goes, otherwise I'll hit the treadmill when I get home.

And now I need to vent....My SIL called last night and she wants some of our venison meat. A just shot her first deer and she knows we have meat and is asking for it. This frustrates me because she is using us so she doesn't have to buy stuff herself. Damit, get a job and fend for yourself. We're not rolling in the money and one of the reasons J hunts is so we do have meat to eat as a family. I should show some sympothy but its been years of this behavior, asking for food or money and I don't mind helping those that are attempting to help themselves but when you do nothing to better your situation then why should I?? Perhaps its harsh but I've had it!!!

Mojo Lost

Lost: Denise's Mojo...if you find it could you please return it to her ASAP since her ass is getting larger by the day!

I have now worked out 2 days in a row in the hopes of getting back my lost mojo. Somehow I just gave up the "me" time. I only take 20-30 minutes or working out so why can't I seem to keep up with it?? Why must I feel guilty that I've taken the time for myself?? Why must I feel so lazy about it?? Well, I'm forcing myself to get out of this rut. I'm supposed to be running on New Year's Eve and I'm no where close to where I should be. I'm working on it and vow to do some type of activity each day for a minimum of 20 min. I need to take this time for myself to get me back. I'm not liking the way my clothes are fitting, I've been very negative lately and I'm just done with the excuses. I know if I take care of myself then I'll be less stressed, I'll be in a good mood and my family will not have to feel my wrath.

Now, its just to keep up with this attitude...the I CAN DO IT attitude....I've tried and tried again, hopefully it will stick this time around.

Feeling like a royal....

Bitch. Yep that's right, I'm PMSing, the kids continue to fight with each other and of course J is still gone and I'm not liking my new management. It's becoming tiring and I've had enough. I love my family, but I think I need a break.

I think the whole job situation has really gotten the best of me. Trouble is I like my job, I loved the flexibility and now that has been taken away, I just don't have the same drive. I suppose I haven't given new mgmt a chance since its only been 2 weeks but I really haven't been impressed. So that begs the question, do I make a job change? I don't know...Truthfully I don't know what I'd be good at. I'm good at my job but my job is a little unique and I don't know how I'd take that anywhere else. I never had any thoughts as a kid of "I always wanted to be..." I never thought about it. I was told I'd amount to nothing so that's what I believed. I'd hate to say that at age 35 I still believe that because I know I've accomplished so much but yet a part of me still does believe it.

So where do I go from here??? In January I typically go away with a friend for a weekend and I do a lot of soul searching then so I guess that's going to be my focus. What do I want to be when I grow up...what am I good at???

Sad thing is, 2 weeks ago I didn't have these thoughts, I was happy in my job, growing, learning and very content. Why is it so easy for all of that to be turned upside down and what type of lesson should I be learning from this situation?

Gearing up for another week as a.......

Single parent. Yep, you guessed it, tomorrow J leaves for a week of hunting. I know its his love and I would never take it away, it just gets really old after a couple of months. It's easier now that the kids are older but it doesn't make his absence any easier. I still miss him and would like him to be home to help out. I'm not sure how single parents can do it, I certainly have much respect for any single parent.

Things at work are weird...talking with other people who still have their jobs but people around them were let go. It's the feeling we're all grateful we still have jobs for the time being but we have such sadness for those that don't. Perhaps that's why I'm not further up in the chain of command, I wouldn't be able to tell people they no longer have a job, especially in this economy. Funny thing is when my boss was let go she gave us all our personal files and I really realized that I don't make that much money, throughout my 18 years with the company I saw where I started and where I'm at and with each increase I get excited because its the most money I've ever made. But with the role I have now and the work I'm doing I feel that I'm worth more. I know my old manager felt that same way but she wasn't able to do anything about it since raises were frozen last year along with all bonuses, rewards etc. I guess we'll see if this new manager will do anything for us, truth be told, I'm not sure she will find value in my position. My old manager did, but I do all the stuff the other technical folks on my team don't want to do. They can do it but their big techie brains can't handle the every day easy stuff. A co-worker said there is a lot of value in my position, when I'm gone on vacation she spends most her time doing my job. It was good to hear, hopefully she'll inform my new manager of that too.

Anyway, enough Debbie Downer....I need to look on the positive side of things, I have a job, I have my wonderful family and I know the work that I do is quality even if my salary doesn't fully reflect that.